Top Ten unfunniest comedies on the top 1000 films of all time

 Since 2015, I have been VERY SLOWLY working through IMDB's 2015 edition of top 1000 films of all time. In that time, I have watched some absolutely hilarious films and some not-so-hilarious films. This list is about the latter. These are ten of the unfunniest comedies on this list. This is in no order but chronology. 

Mash (1970)

If you don't know the film Mash then surely you know the TV show. It is famed for having the most-viewed television finales in history. That means it was a critical and commercial success with everybody who watched it, right? Wrong. Christ, this was a tedious film. It featured Donald Sutherland in one of his most unappealing roles, as he Eliot Gould and Tom Skerrit played some of the jerkiest, most moronic characters in film history.

National Lampoon's Animal House (1978)

This is the film that inspired this list so you know how much I despise it. This film showed the USA's strange fascination with fraternities at its absolute worst. Thus far my perception of them has been annoying, alpha-male jerks drinking and getting into trouble. This film did little to convince me otherwise. It didn't help the characters were so stupid and unlikeable - too stupid to even be funny. Never mind laughing...I don't think I smiled once.

Manhattan (1979)

You just know Woody Allen had to feature on this list. God knows how he is considered a comedy legend...his films are painfully unfunny. Manhattan was no exception least of all due to its morally dubious premise. Woody Allen plays a neurotic, middle-aged comedy writer (basically the role he plays in EVERY FILM EVER) is dating a woman twenty-five years his junior and has to constantly justify his relationship to everybody. It's creepy beyond belief. But the film's one saving grace? The black-and-white cinematography was gorgeous.

The Goonies (1985)

The Goonies has featured before in my top ten worse film list, so you already know how much I hate it. I know that it's a favourite of Gen X and early millennials, but I absolutely hated it. It failed as a comedy. What's funny about having a group of annoying, pre-teen boys screeching their way through a film? Like nails down a chalkboard. Plus the film completely wasted Joe Pantoliano.

The Sandlot (April 1993)

I hated the Sandlot for the same reasons I hated the Goonies. Except the Sandlot was worse. There weren't five annoying kids, but ten of them. They all looked the same and very quickly got on my nerves. I couldn't tell one from another and I didn't really care. There was nothing funny at all about the film except for the numerous plot holes.

Dazed and Confused (September 1993)

If a comedy film doesn't make you laugh then it's failed as a comedy, right? That was strike 1 for Dazed and Confused. Strike 2? An unlikeable cast of characters including obnoxious bullies and equally obnoxious victims. Strike 3? Nothing interesting or funny remotely happens. But this film did launch Matthew McConaughey's career so that's something I guess...

Clerks (1994)

If a film only makes you laugh twice in ninety minutes then you know it's gone wrong somewhere. In fact, I think Clerks put me to sleep more often than it made me laugh. That's a big no-no for any comedy. Why did I fall asleep? The characters were annoying, but, more importantly, the film was just plain boring.

Happiness (1998)

Happiness is marketed as a dark comedy. While it was dark, it was certainly not funny. Or maybe I'm just a snowflake. Or maybe I don't like comedies which humanise nonces or voyeurs. It was all in bad taste. And there was nothing funny seeing PSH spunk himself and using that spunk to glue pictures to the walls. It was pure repulsion.

South Park: Bigger, Better and Uncut (1999)

I've never liked the South Park TV series, so it was no surprise I also hated the film. Call me a liberal snowflake all you want, but the humour was just so juvenile and immature. Maybe if I was a ten-year-old American, I would find it funny. But I'm a thirty-year-old Brit. And it was so repetitive. How many times are we supposed to laugh at the same joke happening over and over again? 

Despicable Me (2010)

Despicable Me also featured on one of my top ten worse films list, so that probably gives you an idea of how unfunny of a film it is. It features Steve Carell giving one of his worse comedy performances ever, but, beyond that, the humour is just plain juvenile. Come on Hollywood writers. How many times are you going to do a fart joke before it stops being funny?

What comedies did I forget to include? Let me know in those comments below. If you've become really pissed off at reading this list, you aint seen nothing yet. There will be another list coming soon enough.

Yet another ten films that have no business being on the top 1000 films of all time

 There are 1000 films that IMDB rated as the best of all time, but there not just ten or twenty, but, at least thirty films that shouldn't be on this list. Here are another ten awful films. Prepare to be triggered. This list is in no other list, but chronology.

Citizen Kane (1941)

Why is Citizen Kane number 73 on this list? While it has remained a critical darling for over eighty years, I didn't care for it at all. Plus it hasn't aged well.

It may have been ground-breaking at the time, but that was eighty years ago. We've seen it all before. Not to mention Kane is a jerk. Why should we care about him or Rosebud or this overrated film?

The Hustler (1961)

The Hustler features at 266th on this list, but it really should be -1000th.

This film was so dull. The lack of music makes it incredibly boring. I want to say it would only appeal to pool enthusiasts, but even that seems unlikely. Light on action, spectacle or anything interesting, this was a tedious watch. Not even the iconic Paul Newman could save it.

Blowup (1966)

This blow-out of a film features at 629th on the top 1000 list.

It was pretentious, monotonous nonsense. Supposedly, a photographer is trying to solve a murder he's unwittingly photographed, so why is it so boring? Why doesn't this guy care about solving the crime? Why are we watching him developing photos? Why are watching mimes miming playing tennis?

It was like Fellini stopped making La Dolce Vita and transplanted his annoying artistic genius characters into the least suspenseful murder mystery ever.

2001: a Space Odyssey (1968)

I'm going to come out and say it. This film is overrated. It's Kubrick's most overrated film. And it's certainly not the 116th greatest of all time.

Come at me sci-fi nerds, I don't care. 2001: a Space Odyssey falls into the classic sci-fi cliche of an overly-clever writer showing off how clever they are, by writing an overly-complicated script full of big ideas, but generic characters. I remember Hal, but I don't remember any of the humans.

And I don't think that even Kubrick knew what he was doing with that pretentious ending.

The Name of the Rose (1986)

If you're wondering what Sean Connery was doing after James Bond, the answer is that he was acting in one of the most boring murder-mysteries ever. I say he was acting, but he was just being himself.

His co-star Christian Slater was equally insipid. Top tip film-makers. If you're going to make a murder-mystery don't set it in some middle-aged monastery complete with monks singing in Latin. The people who ranked this as 506th on this list must have quickly fallen asleep. I could have fallen asleep and not missed anything.

The Godfather Part 3 (1990)

The Godfather Part 3 has to be one of the worse third instalments of any trilogy ever. It ranks as 663rd on the top 1000 films: the Godfather and the Godfather Part 2 rank 2nd and 3rd respectively. That tells you everything you need to know.

The Godfather is one of the best films of all time; it's my favourite film ever. But the third part has no right existing.

Francis Ford Coppola and Mario Puzo only made it because they had fallen on hard times and needed a hit. The Godfather part 3 with its convoluted plot and Sofia Coppola's god-awful performance was not this hit.

Gosford Park (2001)

I've said it before and I'll say it again: I hate period dramas. Turning it into a murder mystery doesn't make it anymore interesting especially when you take an hour to get to the actual murder.

Yes, Gosford Park stars the creme da la creme of British acting royalty including Eileen Atkins, Richard E Grant, Derek Jacobi, Helen Mirren, Maggie Smith, Stephen Fry and Kelly Macdonald, but it is still full of annoying rich people having annoying rich people problems. No wonder it's 992nd on the top 1000 list.

Match Point (2005)

Match Point was like every American's wet dream about London. The American in question is writer/director Woody Allen. I thought that his rom-com Manhattan was God awful. I don't find his comedies very funny.

His psychological thrillers aren't much better. Match Point features one of the most predatory protagonists ever and one of the stupidest endings I've ever seen on-screen.

It's puzzling that IMDB ranked this at 568th on the top 1000 films of all time.

A Single Man (2009)

A Single Man was directed by fashion-designer and perfume-maker Tom Ford. And it had all the feel and look of an extended perfume advert.

It was artistic, pretentious rubbish. Despite starring Oscar-winners Colin Firth and Julianne Moore, it was a painfully slow watch. Why was it rated the 725th best film of all time?

The Raid (2011)

Upon making this film, director Gareth Evans wanted to make a straight, honest action film. In fairness, that was he did.

It's just a shame that he couldn't have made a decent film in the process. Endless martial art fights, gunfire and explosions are no substitute for interesting characters (of which there were none.) I think the same twelve-year-old boys who ranked Running Scared and the Boondock Saints within the top 1000 films also voted for the Raid. It clocks in at a shockingly high 716th.

Have I made your blood pressure rise yet? Are you ready to cus me out in those comments? Why don't you calm down before you have a stroke? There'll be another list coming soon enough.