There are 1000 films that IMDB rated as the best of all time, but they have made not just ten or twenty, but, at least, thirty. These are ten more films that should be nowhere near this list. Prepare to be triggered. This list is in no other list, but chronology.
Why is Citizen Kane number 73 on this list? While it has remained a critical darling for over eighty years, I didn't care for it at all.
It may have been ground-breaking at the time, but that was eighty years ago. We've seen it all before. Not to mention Kane is a jerk. Why should we care about him or Rosebud or this overrated film?
The Hustler features at 266th on this list, but it really should be -1000th.
This film was so dull. The lack of music makes it incredibly boring. I want to say it would only appeal to pool enthusiasts, but even that seems unlikely. Light on action, spectacle or anything interesting, this was a tedious watch. Not even the iconic Paul Newman could save it.
This blow-out of a film features at 629th on the top 1000 list.
It was pretentious, monotonous nonsense. Supposedly, a photographer is trying to solve a murder he's unwittingly photographed, so why is it so boring? Why doesn't this guy care about solving the crime? Why are we watching him developing photos? Why are watching mimes miming playing tennis?
It was like Fellini stopped making La Dolce Vita and transplanted his annoying artistic genius characters into the least suspenseful murder mystery ever.
I'm going to cone out and say it. This film is overrated. It's Kubrick's most overrated film. And it's certainly not the 116th greatest of all time.
Come at me sci-fi nerds, I don't care. 2001: a Space Odyssey falls into the classic sci-fi cliche of an overly-clever writer showing off how clever they are, by writing an overly-complicated script full of big ideas, but generic characters. I remember Hal, but I don't remember any of the humans.
And I don't think that even Kubrick knew what he was doing with that pretentious ending.
If you're wondering what Sean Connery was doing after James Bond, the answer is that he was acting in one of the most boring murder-mysteries ever. I say he was acting, but he was just being himself.
His co-star Christian Slater was equally insipid. Top tip film-makers. If you're going to make a murder-mystery don't set it in some middle-aged monastery complete with monks singing in Latin. The people who ranked this as 506th on this list must have quickly fallen asleep. I could have fallen asleep and not missed anything.
The Godfather Part 3 has to be one of the worse third instalments of any trilogy ever. It ranks as 663rd on the top 1000 films: the Godfather and the Godfather Part 2 rank 2nd and 3rd respectively. That tells you everything you need to know.
The Godfather is one of the best films of all time; it's my favourite film ever. But the third part has no right existing.
Francis Ford Coppola and Mario Puzo only made it because they had fallen on hard times and needed a hit. The Godfather part 3 with its convoluted plot and Sofia Coppola's god-awful performance was not this hit.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: I hate period dramas. Turning it into a murder mystery doesn't make it anymore interesting especially when you take an hour to get to the actual murder.
Yes, Gosford Park stars the creme da la creme of British acting royalty including Eileen Atkins, Richard E Grant, Derek Jacobi, Helen Mirren, Maggie Smith, Stephen Fry and Kelly Macdonald, but it is still full of annoying rich people having annoying rich people problems. No wonder it's 992nd on the top 1000 list.
Match Point was like every American's wet dream about London. The American in question is writer/director Woody Allen. I thought that his rom-com Manhattan was God awful. I don't find his comedies very funny.
His psychological thrillers aren't much better. Match Point features one of the most predatory protagonists ever and one of the stupidest endings I've ever seen on-screen.
It's puzzling that IMDB ranked this at 568th on the top 1000 films of all time.
A Single Man was directed by fashion-designer and perfume-maker Tom Ford. And it had all the feel and look of an extended perfume advert.
It was artistic, pretentious rubbish. Despite starring Oscar-winners Colin Firth and Julianne Moore, it was a painfully slow watch. Why was it rated the 725th best film of all time?
Upon making this film, director Gareth Evans wanted to make a straight, honest action film. In fairness, that was he did.
It's just a shame that he couldn't have made a decent film in the process. Endless martial art fights, gunfire and explosions are no substitute for interesting characters (of which there were none.) I think the same twelve-year-old boys who ranked Running Scared and the Boondock Saints within the top 1000 films also voted for the Raid. It clocks in at a shockingly high 716th.
Have I made your blood pressure rise yet? Are you ready to cus me out in those comments? Why don't you calm down before you have a stroke? There'll be another list coming soon enough.
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