Top Ten unfunniest comedies on the top 1000 films of all time

 Since 2015, I have been VERY SLOWLY working through IMDB's 2015 edition of top 1000 films of all time. In that time, I have watched some absolutely hilarious films and some not-so-hilarious films. This list is about the latter. These are ten of the unfunniest comedies on this list. This is in no order but chronology. 

Mash (1970)

If you don't know the film Mash then surely you know the TV show. It is famed for having the most-viewed television finales in history. That means it was a critical and commercial success with everybody who watched it, right? Wrong. Christ, this was a tedious film. It featured Donald Sutherland in one of his most unappealing roles, as he Eliot Gould and Tom Skerrit played some of the jerkiest, most moronic characters in film history.

National Lampoon's Animal House (1978)

This is the film that inspired this list so you know how much I despise it. This film showed the USA's strange fascination with fraternities at its absolute worst. Thus far my perception of them has been annoying, alpha-male jerks drinking and getting into trouble. This film did little to convince me otherwise. It didn't help the characters were so stupid and unlikeable - too stupid to even be funny. Never mind laughing...I don't think I smiled once.

Manhattan (1979)

You just know Woody Allen had to feature on this list. God knows how he is considered a comedy legend...his films are painfully unfunny. Manhattan was no exception least of all due to its morally dubious premise. Woody Allen plays a neurotic, middle-aged comedy writer (basically the role he plays in EVERY FILM EVER) is dating a woman twenty-five years his junior and has to constantly justify his relationship to everybody. It's creepy beyond belief. But the film's one saving grace? The black-and-white cinematography was gorgeous.

The Goonies (1985)

The Goonies has featured before in my top ten worse film list, so you already know how much I hate it. I know that it's a favourite of Gen X and early millennials, but I absolutely hated it. It failed as a comedy. What's funny about having a group of annoying, pre-teen boys screeching their way through a film? Like nails down a chalkboard. Plus the film completely wasted Joe Pantoliano.

The Sandlot (April 1993)

I hated the Sandlot for the same reasons I hated the Goonies. Except the Sandlot was worse. There weren't five annoying kids, but ten of them. They all looked the same and very quickly got on my nerves. I couldn't tell one from another and I didn't really care. There was nothing funny at all about the film except for the numerous plot holes.

Dazed and Confused (September 1993)

If a comedy film doesn't make you laugh then it's failed as a comedy, right? That was strike 1 for Dazed and Confused. Strike 2? An unlikeable cast of characters including obnoxious bullies and equally obnoxious victims. Strike 3? Nothing interesting or funny remotely happens. But this film did launch Matthew McConaughey's career so that's something I guess...

Clerks (1994)

If a film only makes you laugh twice in ninety minutes then you know it's gone wrong somewhere. In fact, I think Clerks put me to sleep more often than it made me laugh. That's a big no-no for any comedy. Why did I fall asleep? The characters were annoying, but, more importantly, the film was just plain boring.

Happiness (1998)

Happiness is marketed as a dark comedy. While it was dark, it was certainly not funny. Or maybe I'm just a snowflake. Or maybe I don't like comedies which humanise nonces or voyeurs. It was all in bad taste. And there was nothing funny seeing PSH spunk himself and using that spunk to glue pictures to the walls. It was pure repulsion.

South Park: Bigger, Better and Uncut (1999)

I've never liked the South Park TV series, so it was no surprise I also hated the film. Call me a liberal snowflake all you want, but the humour was just so juvenile and immature. Maybe if I was a ten-year-old American, I would find it funny. But I'm a thirty-year-old Brit. And it was so repetitive. How many times are we supposed to laugh at the same joke happening over and over again? 

Despicable Me (2010)

Despicable Me also featured on one of my top ten worse films list, so that probably gives you an idea of how unfunny of a film it is. It features Steve Carell giving one of his worse comedy performances ever, but, beyond that, the humour is just plain juvenile. Come on Hollywood writers. How many times are you going to do a fart joke before it stops being funny?

What comedies did I forget to include? Let me know in those comments below. If you've become really pissed off at reading this list, you aint seen nothing yet. There will be another list coming soon enough.

Dazed and Confused review

 Number 607 on the top 1000 films of all time is Richard Lintlaker's coming-of-age comedy-drama 'Dazed and Confused.'

It is the last day of school in a high school in an unnamed Texan town. Over the course of one wild night, we see the school's students get up to mischief as they prepare for the summer holiday. The huge ensemble cast includes Jason London as quarterback Randall 'Pink' Floyd, Ben Affleck as bully Fred O'Bannion, Anthony Rapp and Adam Goldberg as intellectuals Mike Newhouse and Tony Olson and Matthew McConaughey as ageing stoner David Wooderson.

Richard Lintlaker is perhaps best-known for the excellent Before Trilogy. Similarly to Dazed and Confused, the Before Trilogy lacks a traditional storyline. In case it's an intensely character-driven story that gets really into the psychology of the characters involved. They tell a slice-of-life narrative that neglects big set pieces for the fascinating minutiae of everyday life. However, the biggest difference between the Before Trilogy and Dazed and Confused is that I actually cared about the characters in the Before Trilogy. I can't think of one semi-likeable character within the latter...or any characters I was actually rooting for.

This seems to be a common occurence when I watch coming-of-age dramas: usually the characters are obnoxious, annoying or just plain unlikeable. The Goonies, the Sandlot and the The Breakfast Club fit the bill perfectly and you can easily add Dazed and Confused to that list. The film opens with a dreadful hazing ritual where we see the older high school seniors bullying all the freshmen. It looked awful and made me really glad I never went to school in the US. 

It was also just really uncomfortable to watch especially since it seemed to be played for laughs rather than serious psychological bullying. Obviously O'Bannion and his cronies were supposed to be the villains of the piece and you're not supposed to root for them, but I really did hate them. It didn't help that Ben Affleck was as wooden as ever. 

Yet I also didn't particularly care for the kids they were bullying either. Their biggest target Mitch Kramer [Wiley Wiggins] is rescued by Pink who then takes him on a night drive to vandalise the local neighbourhood. Again not the best way to endear a character to an audience. Sure Kramer had other friends who didn't engage in that, but they weren't particularly memorable. After a while the characters all blurred into one. The same could be said for a lot of the older boys too.

The same went for all of the senior girls who engaged in the same hazing tactics as the boys although the film didn't focus as much on the freshmen. Even Tony and Mike who, I think, were supposed to be the semi-likeable characters became a bit grating after a while especially when Mike couldn't let sleeping dogs lie and got his own arse kicked.

Finally, Dazed and Confused was known for launching Matthew McConaughey's career. This was his breakout role and probably the most memorable part of the film, but even he wasn't anything that special. There was little beyond his character past the signature catchphrase 'alright, alright, alright.'

I didn't enjoy Dazed and Confused at all. It embodied everything I don't like about coming-of-age dramas: no storyline and instead a group of unrelatable, unlikeable teenager protagonists making idiots of themselves and expecting us to like them.

Flipped review

 Number 577 on the top 1000 films of all time is Rob Reiner's 2010 coming of age romantic drama Flipped.

Flipped tells the story of Bryce Loski (Callan Mcauliffe) and Juli Baker (Madeline Carroll) Upon meeting as kids, she falls in love with him. We see their love to and froe as they grow until adulthood where Juli is just about to give up when...

Rob Reiner's murder at the hands of his son is a tragedy. He will be best remembered for directing great films like The Princess Bride and Misery. Will he be remembered for directing Flipped? Nope. It was a very meh film and not particularly memorable. In terms of coming of age dramas, it was definitely no Stand By Me.

Much of this was down to the two lead characters and their rather insipid romance. Bryce is a major bonehead so much so that you do wonder why Juli was attracted to him in the first place. I guess love is both blind and deaf and dumb.

Callan Mcauliffe played Bryce At 15. He hasn't gone onto the most illustrious of careers other than a supporting role in the latter seasons of the Walking dead. He wasn't anything special as the bland protagonist. And wasn't particulary endearing either. The same can be said for Juli who was equally bland as Juli. I wasn't particularly interested in learning if the two get together or not.

Sure you could argue their messy love story is reflective of love stories everywhere but that didn't make it anymore interesting. It didn't help there wasn't much conflict keeping them apart except for their own pride and hubris. It was very much a case of stupid characters making stupid choices for no reason but to push the plot forward. Sure Bryce's father thinks Juli's family is beneath them but this felt more like an after thought.

Rob Reiner was a fine director who will be remembered for a great many films. However, Flipped is a film best forgotten.

The Sandlot review

 Number 551 on the top 1000 films of all time is the sports coming-of-age drama 'The Sandlot.'

Scotty Smalls (Tom Guiry) is the new kid on the block. Struggling to make friends, he reluctantly begins playing baseball with a group of eight neighbourhood kids led by the popular Benny Rodriguez (Mike Vitar.)

The Sandlot reminded me of the The Goonies. You had a group of little boys finding out the real treasure was the friendship they made along the way. There were plenty of shenanigans and misadventures which makes the audience pine for their youth.

Except the Goonies was better as instead of having four or five annoying pre-pubescent boys who couldn't stop laughing, you had eight of them. At times I wanted to watch this film on mute, they were so annoying. And they weren't particularly well-characterised. Except for Scotty and Benny, they all blended into one.

That's not true. I'm being unfair. You could distinguish the characters on how annoying they were. You had the two brothers Timmy Timmons (Victor Dimattia) and Tommy "Repeat" Timmons (Shane Obedzinski) with Tommy repeating everything his brother said. Then you had Michael "Squints" Palledorous (Chauncey Leopardi) who tricks the older lifeguard into kissing him. The two later go onto get married. In today's age, this would more likely result in a restraining order. #metoomovement. It was all so weird and unrealistic. God and then there was the super obnoxious Hamilton "Ham" Porter (Patrick Renna.)

Speaking of unrealistic, you had the unrealistically naive and innocent protagonist Scotty. I get that he is a completely inept sportsman. I get it. I'm no better. I write reviews nobody reads instead of batting in the MLB but unlike Scotty I can catch and throw a ball. It was so silly that he couldn't do this. Plus, how has he never heard of Babe Ruth? I'm a limey with no interest in baseball and even I've heard of him.

The second half of the film also functioned on a really bad plot hole. *spoilers*

During one game, the kids bat their baseball into a garden patrolled by a fearsome English Mastiff called the Beast. They are unable to retrieve it and their game stops. However, Scotty keeps the game going by stealing his stepdad's baseball signed by Babe Ruth.

This is great until this too goes into the mastiff's lair. And as it was signed by Babe Ruth, they have to get it back. But so nobody notices the difference at home, the boys raise ninety cents by selling bottles and they buy a temporary replacement ball.

Why didn't they just do that in the first place? It's not like it was difficult for them to raise the money? One scene Benny was telling them to find bottles. The next they're buying a new ball. There was no reason for Scotty to steal his dad's baseball.

Don't get me wrong, there are some great coming-of-age dramas out there...Stand By Me, Mud, City of God if you want to call it that. But the Sandlot was not one of them.

Show me Love (Fucking Åmål) review

 Number 547 on the top 1000 films of all time is the Swedish coming-of-age romantic-comedy.

Agnes Ahlberg (Rebecka Lilijeberg) is a sixteen-year-old recluse. She has no friends but is secretly in love with her classmate Elin (Alexandra Dahlstrom) a party girl who hates the boring town of Amal where both girls live.

Show Me Love was Lukas Moodysson's directiorial debut. He would go onto to direct the tragic Lilya-4-ever which also starred a lost, naive female protagonist, although in far more dire circumstances tha here. To be honest, Lilya-4-ever was a far better film.

Show Me Love had the look of a low-budget teen drama. Considering its budget was nine million Swediwsh Kroner, under £80,000 (no doubt less than this thirty years ago) I guess there's a reason it looks like a test version of Skins.

Of course a low budget doesn't dictate a film being bad. However, it helps if the film has likeable characters. Both Agnes and Elin were annoying. Agnes bemoans being lonely and friendless but is rude to the only other girl who turned up to her birthday party, which quite rightfully, comes back to bite her on the arse. Meanwhile, Elin comes across as incredibly shallow.

Yes, of course, they're teenagers and that's what teenagers are like, but it also didn't make their characters heroes I wanted to see succeed. I'll concede that they became more likeable as they were allowed to mature and develop. It's just a shame that they were so damn annoying at first.

The film also had a strange ending scene as if Moodysson didn't know how to end his debut.

*spoilers*

Cornered in the school bathroom with fears of bother their relationship and sexuality being outed, the two girls choose to out their relationship to the school and are all the better for it. This would have been a good ending except then there was another scene of them drinking chocolate milk in Agnes' room. Very weird and ultimately pointless. It would have been far more powerful to have ended it with the outing scene.

Maybe I should give Moodysson some grace. This was his debut after all. Without this film, he would never have gone onto direct the heartbreaking Lilya-4-ever.

Rushmore review

 Number 537 on the top 1000 films of all time is Wes Anderson's comedy, coming-of-age drama 'Rushmore.'

Max Fischer (Jason Schwartzman) is an upstart private school student who is a chronic under-achiever. Under threat of expulsion, he befriends local industrialist Herman Blume (Bill Murray) while developing an attraction to teacher Rosemary Cross (Olivia Williams.) However, Fischer doesn't realise that Blake is also attracted to her.

Rushmore was Wes Anderson's second film before he gained his established reputation as an auteur. That much is clear in Rushmore's visual aesthetic. The symmetrical composition and vibrant colours reminded me of Anderson's later coming-of-age drama Moonrise Kingdom. It's just a shame that Rushmore lacked the same interesting or charming characters.

Nowhere is this more apparent than with the rather annoying Max Fischer. He very much embodied the misunderstood genius who is far too clever for everybody else except he isn't clever at all. If he was, then he wouldn't be threatened with expulsion from school. Instead he became been more annoying and tedious especially when a love triangle develops between him, Frume and Cross.

This isn't to disparage Bill Murray or Olivia Williams. Their characters were far more interesting and their performances more likeable. Murray brought some much-needed humour to the film, while Williams brought the gravitas. It's just a shame that the main character was so annoying.

In my review of Moonrise Kingdom, I had described it as substance AND style. However, Rushmore was style over substance.

Mysterious Skin review

 Number 534 on the top 1000 films of all time is the coming-of-age drama 'Mysterious Skin.'

Neil McCormick (Joseph Gordon-Levitt) and Brian Lackey (Brady Corbett) are two seemingly unconnected young men. However, they were both victims of CSA. The films sees them coming to terms with their childhood trauma.

Last year, I wrote two separate lists detailing the films that are too traumatic to watch again. If I were to write another list, Mysterious Skin would surely feature at the top. It was a deeply unsettling look at he lasting effects of CSA. This theme is explored within the two central characters of Neil and Brian.

Firstly, we have Neil whose experience with CSA has led him to become a hedonistic sex worker selling his body to the scummiest of men who rape and beat him senseless. Compared to his rom-com roles in Ten Things I hate about you and 500 Days of Summer, this was a sharp departure for Joseph Gordon-Levitt. However, it was also a deliberate departure as he was actively seeking more adult roles in independent films. Gordon-Levitt was great in the lead role as he brought humanity and vulnerability to an emotionally shut-down character.

On the other hand, Brian grows up believing that he has been abducted by aliens in a desperate attempt to repress the truth. Although Brady Corbet hasn't gone onto have the same momentous film career as his co-star, he was every bit as good as his Levitt especially when the truth started to become clear.

There is no doubt that Mysterious Skin is a powerful film. There is also little doubt that it is a deeply traumatic film addressing uncomfortable topics which should be discussed.

Moonrise Kingdom review

 Number 467 on the top 1000 films of all time is Wes Anderson's coming-of-age drama 'Moonrise Kingdom.'

Scout Sam Shakusky (Jared Gilman) and theatre star Suzy Bishop (Kara Hayward) are both social outcasts and pen pals. Upon meeting for the first time, the two quickly fall in love and run away on the New England island of New Penzance. They are pursued by a slieu of adults including policeman Captain Duffy Sharp (Bruce Willis,) Scout Master Randy Ward (Edward Norton,) Suzy's mum and dad, Laura (Frances McDormand) and Walt (Bill Murray) and an unnamed social worker played by Tilda Swinton.

I think it can be all too easy to dismiss Wes Anderson's films as style over substance. He is well-known for emptying distinct colour patterns and symmetrical compositions. Academics Stephanie Williams and Christen Vidanovic said that almost every frame could have been a beautiful photograph. They weren't wrong. Moonrise Kingdom looked gorgeous on-screen with its visual style complimenting the whimsical nature of the film.

Was it style over substance? I'm not so sure. Underpinning the visual flair was a charming and heartwarming love story between Sam and Suzy. Anderson intended to depict a fantasied young love with all its innocence and idealism. That's what he did. Despite being acting novices, leads Jared Gilman and Kara Hayward were both great. They served as emotional anchors in an otherwise zany film.

Nowhere is it zanier than with the adult characters who were all just a little bit peculiar. This is especially true of Suzy's parents and Captain Sharp. While Suzy and Sam's relationship is blossoming, Walt and Laura's marriage is falling apart, least of all, because of Laura's affair with Captain Sharp. This was a nice distorted mirror image of young love even if it could have used a little more screentime.

Overall, I really enjoyed Moonrise Kingdom. Rather than being an example of style over substance, it was style AND substance with its distinct visual style contributing so much to the fantastical, timeless nature of the film.

The Last Picture Show review

 Number 236 on the top 1000 films of all time is Peter Bogdanvoich's 1971 coming-of-age drama: 'The Last Picture Show.'

Sonny Crawford (Timothy Bottoms) and Duane Jackson (Jeff Bridges) are two high-school seniors in the sleepy Texan oil-town of Anarene where nothing ever happens. They try to find some meaning in this meaningless place. The film is set in the 50's and co-stars Ellen Burstyn and Ben Johnson.

Christ, it was boring writing that summary. But it's difficult to make such a boring film sound interesting. The Last Picture Show takes place in a stagnant town that is slowly dying both culturally and financially. I would argue the film itself was dying a slow death, if it was even alive in the first place. And that's debatable.

When I think of Coming-of-Age dramas, I think of the adventure you find in Mud or the sheer loss of innocence of Stand By Me. Hell, I hated the Goonies, but at least that tried, and failed, to be fun. Yet there was nothing fun, memorable or adventurous in this dull film.

It reminded me of La Dolce Vita or even George Lucas' American Graffiti where a group of bored kids are running around getting into trouble, as they have little else to do. Duane, Sonny and the rest of their friends take their mentally slow friend to lose his virginity with a sex worker. Duane's girlfriend Jacy attends a skinny-dipping party where she strips naked and has to be reassured by the host that his little brother isn't a sex pest. it was all just weird. And it wasn't enjoyable either.

There is some considerable acting talent in this film. It starred future Oscar winner Jeff Bridges and future Triple Crown of Acting winner Ellen Burstyn, yet there isn't a memorable performance to speak of. All the characters, both male and female, blended into one.

Perhaps the only good thing I can say is about the film's black and white colour processing. Monochrome in film can look aesthetically pleasing even if it fails to add much.

This was such a boring film that I would we start getting tumbleweed rolling past at one point. I'm surprised I didn't fall asleep writing this review.

Heathers review

 Number 932 on the top 1000 films of all time is the teen black-comedy 'Heathers.'

Veronika (Winona Ryder) is part of a high-school clique consisting of three girls all called Heather: Heather Duke (Shannon Doherty,) Heather McNamara (Lisanne Falk) and Heather Chandler (Kim Walker.) The same time she realises that her friends are ruthless bullies, she falls in love with the mysterious outsider JD (Christian Slater0 who has a plot to kill all the popular kids in school.

How to describe this film? Natural Born Killers set in a high school. But instead of the psychopathic Mickey and Mallory Knox, we have JD and the naive Veronika who he manipulates into being his unwitting accomplice.

In creating this film, director Michael Lehmann wanted to portray a darker side to high-school by turning the standard coming-of-age drama on its head. He certainly succeeded there. JD is a long way from Ferris Bueller. He is a damn sight creepier too although I'm not sure whether that was the character or Christian Slater. Seriously. JD is what I would imagine Klebold or Harris being like...

Although I think a more accurate comparison could be the Moors Murderers or Paul Bernado and Karla Homolka. However, the key difference is that Veronika quickly wisens up to JD's true agenda and decides to confront him.

In Heathers, Winona Rider was urr riding her success in Beetlejuice - a wave she continued riding throughout the nineties. She was good as Veronika who was perhaps the most self-aware character and perhaps the only character who wasn't some distorted stereotype. Christian Slater leaned too heavily into the moody outsider while the football players were overly-simplistic as well as the group of nerds they bullied. Yet, the Heathers knew exactly what they were doing, but they still weren't much more than your standard mean girls.

Heathers is also clever in its dissection of contemporary society - particularly with the romanticisation of suicide. Suicide is a recurring theme and we see how it affects different people in different ways. In some ways, Lehmann satirises this dark theme through his comical approach to it. But despite this satire, it is still treated with the respect it deserves.

Heathers was certainly an effective way to deconstruct the coming-of-age films that directors like Justin James Hughes made famous. It's just a shame that Christian Slater was so damn creepy.