The Player review

 Number 623 on the top 1000 films of all time is Robert Altman's satirical black-comedy thriller 'The Player.'

Griffin Mill (Tim Robbins) is a Hollywood exec who gets to greenlight which movies are made or not. His position is threatened by the new young upstart Larry Levy (Peter Gallagher.) Meanwhile Mill is receiving death threats from a disgruntled writer he rejected - that is until Mill kills him or at least thinks he does. Whoopi Goldberg, Dean Stockwell and Richard E. Grant co-star.

In many ways, The Player was a Hollywood film about Hollywood. it was absolutely littered with celebrity cameos in blink and you'll miss them moments ranging from Cher to Malcolm Mcdowell to Burt Reynolds to Julia Roberts.

The Player reminded me of Quentin Tarantino's Once Upon a Time in Hollywood which he described as a love letter to Hollywood. Maybe the Player wasn't a love letter as such, but it definitely smelled like a Hollywood director showing off how much he knew about Hollywood. And without any subtlety either. After a while it all felt a bit too self-indulgent.

Sure I like Hollywood films, but not enough to watch Robert Altman give himself a pat on the back for two hours. It was a shame as all the Hollywood glitz and glamour distracted from the more interesting murder plot.

I found it far more engaging watching the always great Tim Robbins try to figure out a murder plot before becoming involved in one himself. Film critic Gene Siskel said that even if you didn't care about Hollywood, you could still appreciate The Player as being a good thriller. I'd agree with that.

Once you stripped away all the sparkly Hollywood wrapping paper, you were left with a thrilling present. There was just a hell of a lot of wrapping paper.

Death Proof review

 Number 591 on the top 1000 films of all time is Quentin Tarantino's psychological thriller Death Proof. Death Proof shares this position with its sister film Planet Terror which were released together under the moniker Grindhouse. I will review both films separately.

Stuntman Mike (Kurt Russell) is a serial killer stuntman who kills women using his specially-modified car. Rose Mcgowan, Sydney Poitier, Rosario Dawson, Sam Bell among others co-star as the women he targets.

Tarantino generally regards Death Proof as his worse. Having now finally seen them all, I don't agree. I think that honour would go to the bloated and dialogue-heavy 'The Hateful Eight.' Neither is Death Proof one of his best - the simple but effective Reservoir Dogs takes the throne.

True, Death Proof is a relatively simple and straightforward film, but it lacked the same emotional pathos that Reservoir Dogs reached. Although maybe Death Proof didn't need it. It was a simple story of a psychopathic stuntman getting his just-desserts. Yes, it is rather self-validating with many callbacks to his previous films like Kill Bill - which would go over the head of casual viewers, but it was nowhere near as bad as Once Upon a Time in Hollywood.

Kurt Russell was very good as the terrifying killer stuman and it was particularly fun seeing him go from predator to prey. His reaction to getting shot was probably one of the most realistic I've seen in many films. Speaking of realism, Tarantino does dialogue well. Its realistic yet snappy - the Hateful Eight not included of course.

While Stuntman Mike goes from predator to prey, his would-be victims played by Zoe Bell, Rosario Dawson and Tracie Thoms become his hunter. This was a great and unexpected twist that I didn't see coming. It was something that made you sit up and realise this wasn't your average slasher film. It was a Tarantino slasher film complete with great performances from his women cast - performances matched Kurt Russell. Albeit, it all led to a rather abrupt and random ending.

That being said, I enjoyed Death Proof for what it was - a fun and thrilling slasher. It wasn't one of Tarantino's best, but definitely not his worse either.

Amour review

 Number 450 on the top 1000 films of all time is the Michael Haneke's French psychological drama 'Amour.'

Georges (Jean-Louis Trintignant) and Anne (Emmanuelle Riva) Laurent are former music teachers and elderly couple in Paris. When Anne suffers a stroke that leaves her unable to take care of herself, Georges dutifully accepts the role of carer. However, the stress of the work becomes too much for the both of them.

Upon directing this film, Michael Haneke constantly reminded his cast to avoid over-sentimentality at all costs. This is what stopped the film from being a cheesy love story. Instead it was an utter devastating tragedy. Like Georges, I worked as a carer, so I saw first-hand how this stress can impact a couple's relationship.

I can attest there was nothing corny or overly-romanticised in Amour. We saw the authentic side of caring in all its brutal detail. We also saw the power of amour - French for love - nowhere was this more present than in the relationship between Georges and Anne. Amour was the perfect title for the film - if you are taking care of a loved one, you need nothing less than love itself. And to allow somebody to take care of you, you need to trust and love them implicitly. It was obvious Georges and Anne loved each other unconditionally.

This was obvious from Trintigant's and Riva's excellent characterisations. Anne was obviously in an awful situation. Nobody ever wants to suffer like she does, but despite being in a pitiful situation, she wasn't a pitiable character. Riva played her with the utmost humanity. Despite being in a sorry situation, she never surrenders her humanity. Not once. It was this brilliant portrayal that saw her win the BAFTA and Caesar award as well as receiving an Oscar nod.

Trintignant was equally good as Georges. As Anne's carer, the stress quickly takes its toll - his position is almost as bad as his wife's. Yet similarly to Anne - although we feel sorry for Georges, Georges is not a sorry character. He remains faithful to his wife all the way up the shock ending that I didn't see coming. Just like Riva, Trintignant also won the Caesar award for his portrayal of Georges.

Amour was a powerful but tragic film which depicted one of the hardest parts of life with the utmost humanity. And if my praise wasn't enough, it also won the Best International Film Oscar and the Palmes D'or at Cannes. Well-deserved.

The Fall review

 Number 404 on the top 1000 films of all time is Tarsem Singh's adventure-fantasy film 'The Fall.'

In 1915 Los Angeles, stunt man Roy Walker (Lee Pace) is hospitalised after a stunt gone wrong. In hospital, he forms an unlikely friendship with fellow patient, eight-year-old Romanian girl Alexandria  (Catinca Untaru) who is recovering from a broken arm. He entertains her with a wild and fantasy tale about a rag-tag group of rebels to team up to kill a common enemy, but he has an agenda of his own. 

I think this is a film that you have to see more than once to truly appreciate. Upon the first watch, I decided the film wasn't for me, being critical of the story-within-a-story format. On other occasions such as with the Chinese Wuxia Hero, this format fell flat because the framing story wasn't as interesting as the secondary story.

Upon a rewatch, I can say this was not the case for the Fall. I really enjoyed watching Roy and Alexandria's relationship progress. The two of them had great on-screen chemistry. Catinca Untaru was adorable and she worked well with the much older Lee Pace who became a surrogate father figure for her. I'm not sure whether Untaru went onto have a big acting career, but she was very good here. So was Lee Pace. It was a relationship with lots of pathos.

*spoilers*

This pathos extends into Roy's dark secret. In exchange for entertaining Alexandria with these stories, he asks her to steal morphine for him. Ostensibly, this is to help him sleep, but he actually intends to commit suicide. His beloved has left him for the actor he was doubling for. Now he no longer wants to live. This was suitably tragic with Pace and Catinca giving good performances.

While the B-story has great visual flair reflective of the countless different filming locations as well as director Tarsem Singh's insistence that the film be shot on-location with minimal special effects, the framing story is suitably more muted and dour. 

The B-story sees a range of quirky characters including a masked bandit, a silent Indian warrior, an ex-slave, an Italian explosives expert and Charles Darwin. They all team up to take revenge on a governor who has wronged them all. The fantasy land they inhabited was marked by bold colours and a distinct look - similar to the Chinese Hero film. I enjoyed seeing this colourful cast of characters and it was sad watching them meet their respective ends.

If you were left unimpressed watching this film once, do yourself a favour and watch it again. You might just be surprised.

Lilya-4-ever review

 Number 402 on the top 1000 films of all time is the Russian tragedy 'Lilya-4-ever.'

Lilya Michailova (Oksana Akinshina) is a sixteen-year-old young woman living in a Communist-era Russian town. When her mother unexpectedly abandons her for a new life and man in the USA, Lilya is lost. She befriends the equally lost and younger Volodya (Artyom Bogucharsky) but it looks like that Lilya's life will improve when she begins a relationship with the mysterious Andrei (Pavel Ponomaryov.) He encourages her to go to Sweden with him, in the promise of a new life together, but upon arrival, she is trafficked into sexual slavery.

Lilya-4-ever has been compared to Lars Von Trier's Dogme 43 movement. The comparisons are plain to see form the tight, claustrophobic camerawork, the lost, naive female characters and the brutally realistic tone. Just like Von Trier's Dancer in the Dark and Breaking the Waves, Lilya-4-ever is a powerful if deeply upsetting film. And its realism is what made it so powerful. Lilya's story is one that undoubtedly happens to so many women everywhere. And it does, as this was based on the tragic true story of Dangoule Rasalaite

Oksana was great as the innocent Lilya - somebody so desperate to escape her awful life that she ignores all the red flags about Andrei that even the far younger Voldymyr can recognise. Lilya is nothing more than a victim, but Oksana played her with a lot of will and determination. She's more than prepared to fight back than necessary.

The best part of the film was her relationship with the younger Voldymyr. Similar to Lilya, he comes from a broken home with an alcoholic father who constantly beats him. He and Lilya form a touching big sister/little brother relationship. She scrapes together whatever money she can get to buy him a basketball, which he carries everywhere with him. Even when his spiteful father punctures it, Volymyr still carries the half-inflated ball. This was just so sad and really highlighted Voldymyr's innocence. Like Lilya, he desperately clings to any escape from his awful life.

*Spoilers*

Voldymyr sees Lilya going to Sweden as a complete betrayal. She is going to a better life leaving him alone and friendless. Once she leaves, he commit suicide. This was all predictably tragic. Yet he continues to appear as an angel and hallucination in Lilya's mind. Complete with angel wings. Okay, I get him being an angel. The kid is so innocent that he wouldn't even hurt a fly. It also makes complete sense that Lilya would imagine her only friend at the more traumatic moments of her life. But actually giving Voldymyr angel wings felt like heavy-handed imagery.

Another criticism would be the film's pacing. In its efforts to dive into the storyline, it skipped over some important set-up. it wasn't made clear why Lilya's mother was so ready to abandon her daughter. Instead we're given hints and snippets. Although, I talked about realism earlier, and this is certainly a realistic thing to happen. Sometimes people, even parents, can walk out of your life with no exploration. it might not be satisfying to watch, but it's painfully true.

As is the horrific sexual treatment that Lilya experiences upon her sexual trafficking. Being forced into prostitution, we bear witness to Lilya's POV, as she has sex with a plethora of creepy scumbags. But these POV shots acted as a mirror to Lilya's awful situation. Just like her, the audience was trapped with no escape.

Finally, I didn't like the film's soundtrack. It was a weird mixture of Eurodance and German industrial rock. Rammstein's Mein Herz Brennt plays during the film's climatic sequence. It felt incredibly out of place. I know that Rammstein was popular in Russia at the time, but I think something softer might have been appropriate.

Nevertheless, Lilya-4-ever was a devastating film that perfectly encapsulated the phrase: all children deserve parents, but not all parents deserve children.

Young Frankenstein review

Number 279 on the top 1000 films of all time is Mel Brooks' parody of the horror genre ‘Young Frankenstein.’

Frederick Frankenstein (Gene Wilder) is the grandson of the legendary Victor Frankenstein. But he wants nothing to do with his grandfather, so much so, that he goes by “Fronkensteen.” However, upon returning to Transylvannia, he soon returns to his grandfather’s experiments aided by his deformed servant I-gor (Marty Feldman) and his love interest and assistant Inga. (Terri Garr)

Mel Brooks is well-known for his parodies from Blazing Saddles to the fantastic Robin Hood: Prince of Thieves. Although primarily a loving pastiche of the Frankenstein films of the thirties, it also pastiches the horror genre of a whole. Mel Brooks utilised a number of transitions, such as the screenwipes that you would never see today.

He also made the unusual choice of rendering the film in black and white. Yet this stylistic decision coupled with the background scenery of houses painted at abstract angles, made for a delightful call-back to the German expressionist films of the thirties. Brooks’ scenery, music and camerawork wouldn’t have been out of place in a Fritz Lang film.

Wilder and Feldman were also brilliant. Wilder gave it his all, as the maniacal Frankenstein. He was delightfully over-the-top, just how you would expect in one of the horror films of old. Marty Feldman provided most of the laughs as the hapless assistant I-gor. Some of this came from his brilliant improvisational talents. I-gor has a hump which Feldman kept secretly moving from side to side. When Frankenstein questions him about this, I-gor replies “what hump?”

Lastly, I have to give some credit to Terri Garr who played Inga. She very much encapsulated the standard damsel-in-distress prone to standing around and looking pretty/scared. It’s a role you would commonly expect from the old horror films. And it’s a role that she did well.

Yet despite all this, the film felt lacking. Sure it was funny, but I wasn’t crying tears of laughter. I’m glad I saw it the once, but I don’t need to see it again. 

Gone Baby Gone review

 Number 561 on the top 1000 films of all time is the crime thriller 'Gone Baby Gone.' It was directed by Ben Affleck in his directorial debut.

Based on a Dennis Lehane novel, Gone Baby Gone follows two private investigators in Boston, Massachussetts Patrick Kenzie (Casey Affleck) and his girlfriend Angie Gennaro (Michelle Monaghan) are investigating the case of the missing four-year-old Amanda, but they soon uncover a much bigger mystery. Amy Ryan co-stars as Amanda's mother Helene Macready. Ed Harris and Morgan Freeman also star playing police officers DS Remy Bressant and Captain Jack Doyle respectively.

For a directorial debut, Ben Affleck did a very good job. Arguably better than some of his other films *cough cough* Argo. Gone baby Gone is a taut and tense thriller that keeps its audience on its toes. When Amanda goes missing, it's clear that she had a less than a happy homelife - her mother is a toxic, neglectful junkie. Enter Amy Ryan. The average viewer might not recognise that name, but she starred on NBC's sitcom 'the Office.' She does comedy well, but she did drama even better. I thought she was brilliant in this role. Well-deserving of her Oscar nomination. Helene is presented as an awful mother - only caring about her daughter once she goes missing, but she is a very sympathetic character.

Casey Affleck and Michelle Monaghan were very convincing as the two leads. Patrick Kenzie is dark, broody and doesn't play by the rules, yet he always has the calmer Gennaro to help him see straight. The two worked well together. And eight years later, Casey Affleck went onto win the Oscar for Manchester-by-the-Sea where he played another dark and broody character. And he does dark and broodiness very well. As a private investigator, he often finds himself torn between what is leally right and what is ethically right. And this is what leads to the conclusion that raises all types of interesting questions.

*Spoiler alert* Patrick and Angie discover that Amanda was actually at the heart of a massive conspiracy. Her uncle Lionel (Titus Welliver) and Ed Harris abducted her together to save her from her neglectful mother. They deliver her to Captain Doyle, who had previously lost a child, who will endeavour to give her the best possible life - a life far better than her mother who once forgot her for two hours in a boiling car.

Patrick wrestles over what is the right thing to do. Should he return her to her mother or leave her with Captain Doyle? Doyle would give her a loving home. Patrick picks the former leading to the disintegration of his personal and professional relationship with Angie. yet upon returning, Amanda home Patrick wonders whether he has made the right choice. Helene is nonchalantly going off on a date and leaves Patrick babysitting. She gives her daughter her favourite doll - Mirabelle. But Amanda later says the doll is actually called Annabelle. Her own mother didn't know the name of her daughter's favourite doll.

It's certainly no happily ever after, but it is an effective ending. it raises a number of different issues and questions. And this is what separates Gone Baby gone from other thrillers. Definitely worth a watch.

K-Pax review

 Number 965 on the top 1000 films of all time is the science-fiction film K-Pax.

Prot (Kevin Spacey) claims to be an alien visiting earth from the planet K-Pax, while manifesting in the form of a human male. Upon his arrival in New York, he is quickly remanded to a psychiatric facility. Where he comes into the care of Dr Mark Powell (Jeff Bridges.) Dr Powell is determined to prove Prot a liar, but he is confronted with increasingly convincing evidence.

Kevin Spacey has undoubtedly become a problematic figure, but there is no denying that he was one hell of an actor. By the time he filmed K-Pax, he had already won acting Oscars for the Usual Suspects and American Beauty. He brought the full force of his acting skills to this role too. As far as aliens go, Prot is a little bit like a Vulcan - observing the customs of humans with a scientific curiousity, and, at times, a quiet exasperation. If Dr Powell asks him whether he has K-Pax equivalent of a human custom, Prot will rationally explain why something like that would be nonsense.

In the hands of a lesser actor, these explanations would sound like rubbish, but Spacey pulls off the awkward dialogue with finesse. And even a bit of humour. For a science-fiction film, there were a lot of jokes and Spacey played them well. As well as making us laugh, he pulled at our heart strings too. To unlock the truth, Dr Powell hypnotises Prot and discovers that Prot - or at least the human form he is assuming - was once known as a man called Robert Porter who worked in an abattoir. His wife and daughter are raped and murdered by a paroled convict. In his grief, Robert kills the murderer. To protect his fragile state of mind, he creates a delusion of being an alien from K-Pax. Spacey was brilliant in these scenes. 

Jeff Bridges was great too - often playing the Dr Bones to Spacey's Spock. And as he becomes more obsessed with the case, his relationship with his family becomes strained. Bridges plays a man caught between two worlds. But like Spacey, he plays the comedy well, often acting as the straight man.

A lot of science-fiction films that deal with big philosophical themes tend to be self-indulgent and pretentious, *cough  cough* 2001: A Space Odyssey, as they try to prove how clever they are. K-Pax was nothing like this. It was a simple and straightforward plot. There wasn't anything pretentious about it. Rather than vaguely answering big questions, it hyper-focussed on what it means to be human.

And was Prot really an alien or a delusional human trying to survive a severe trauma? Like any good science-fiction, it doesn't tell you what to think, but lets you make up your own mind. Personally, I think that Prot and Robert Porter had a symbiotic relationship. Prot needed a human host and Porter needed a reason to not be himself anymore. But what do you think?

The Be All and End All review

If you're a long-time reader of my blog, you would know that I am working through the top 1000 films of all time. However, this film doesn't appear on this list, so why am I reviewing it?

The Be All and End All was written by Steve Lewis and Tony Owen who wrote the indie comedy-drama, and one of my personal favourites, Three and Out. They stumbled upon my review and sent me the link to their next film 'The Be All and End All.'

Robbie (Josh Bolt) and Ziggy (Eugene Byrne) are two fifteen year old boys and best friends in Liverpool. When Robbie is diagnosed with a terminal heart condition, he asks Ziggy to help him fulfil his dying wish: to not die a virgin.

At heart, this is a coming-of-age film about the bond between these two best friends. It was darkly comic, but also tragic and touching. Robert has a goal, which is relatable for teen boys everywhere, regardless of whether they're dying, and Ziggy's efforts to help him, leads to some of the film's funniest moments. He takes Robbie to a brothel, which, of course, is promptly raided by the police. Ziggy has to carry the virtually naked Robbie back to the hospital.

One of my film's favourite scenes is when Robbie is approached by a lady who works for something similar to the Make-a-Wish foundation. She wants to help him realise his final goals whether that's swimming with sharks or meeting the Avengers. When he snaps that he wants to lose his virginity, she suggests going to Disneyland instead. This character was a great example of the cliched, well-meaning, but misguided people who are always wanting to help. I work in an old people's home and I've lost count of the amount of do-gooders suggesting nice, but completely impractical things for the residents to do. 

I also loved the scene where Ziggy stands up to the school bullies making fun of Robbie's heart condition. It was very satisfying to see them get a punch to the nose.

As well as being a good comedic actor, Josh Bolt was also great at the sadder scenes. In a confrontation with Ziggy, he breaks down saying that "he doesn't want to die." And for how the film is laden is with sexual innuendo, I did like how they underplayed the ending. Robbie loses his virginity to his old flame Sophie in a simple fade-to-black. This leant a nice elegance to the scene. It was all we needed to see. But I was a little puzzled that despite how Ziggy organised for this, he also went ahead in organising a prostitute for Robbie as well.

Steve Lewis explained that the film was made on a time budget. Sometimes this isn't a bad thing like in the Irish romantic-comedy Once. However, it did look like that director Bruce Webb shot the film using natural lighting, lending a dark, subdued tone to most of the film. While this might be appropriate for the subject matter, it also did make it difficult to actually see everything.

There was a subplot of Ziggy trying to reconnect with his errant father. It didn't receive the same importance as the main plot, so it didn't land for me. In the ending scene, we see him finding and embracing his father in a big hug. I'm not sure how believable I find that considering their fractured relationship.

It was also highly unlikely that a nurse such as Tina (Liza Tarbuck) would ever have the time to help Ziggy and Robbie, but I think it worked for the purposes of the film.

All in all, while being far from perfect, I did enjoy the film. It was a charming British indie film. Word of warning though, if you do watch it, then be prepared for the Scouse accents. They are thick. 

Carlito's Way

 Number 412 on the top 1000 films of all time is Brian De Palma's 1993 crime drama 'Carlito's Way.'

Former crime kingpin Carlito (Al Pacino) is released from prison back into his New York neighbourhood. Determined not to go back, he resolves to go straight, but when his best friend/lawyer Dave Kleinfeld (Sean Penn) rips off the Italian mob, he find going straight will be harder than he thought. Luis Guzman, Penelope Ann Miller and Viggo Mortenson all co-star.

I love a good redemption story. Take a bad man, a ,man who knows he's made mistakes and have him repent? I'm all for that. Plus it's a great source of conflict. It's no secret that America has an awfully high recidivism rate with 2/3 released prisoners  going onto reoffended. Once released, convicts find it difficult to leave their old lives. The transition is no easier for Carlito.

Upon release, all he wants is to earn enough money to retire to the Bahamas but it isn't that simple. His cousin Guajiro takes him to a drug deal with his supplier, butt he deal is a set-up and Carlito only escapes with his life. Later on, he refuses multiple offers to go into business with the young, hotshot gangster Benny Blanco from the Bronx. When Benny later crosses a line, Carlito has a chance to kill him, but instead sets him free. To see Carlito wrestling with his true nature made for delightful viewing and pushed the narrative along.

Loyalty is a key theme of the film and is Carlito's fatal flaw. His best friend is the unstable, coke-addicted Kleinfeld. Kleinfeld is very much the foil for Carlito's character; always causing problems and upsetting his plans to go straight. And nowhere is this more obvious when Kleinfeld steals a million from the mob. The mob promises to forgive the debt if Kleinfeld breaks mob boss Tony Taglialucci out of Riker's Island prison. And who does he ask for help, but Carlito who reluctantly agrees. 

Of course, things go wrong. The whole breakout plan is a setup for Kleinfeld to kill Taglialucci and his son. Realising the truth, Carlito severs ties with his former friend. But the loyalty he shows Kleinfeld is not reciprocated. The feds later pick up Carlito and explain that Kleinfeld is prepared to testify against him. Considering how much of a slimy worm he is, this shouldn't come as a surprise to anybody but Carlito who has been blinded by loyalty.

I also want to give a quick shoutout to Viggo Mortenson who is always great. Although he only appears in one scene, it is one of the film's best. He plays a former associate of Carlito, Lalin Miasso, who is rendered wheelchair-bound after he was shot in the back. But it is revealed that he is wearing a wire. Breaking down in tears, he confesses that since he was shot, he has no life. He can't walk or have sex. he has to wear nappies. It was a powerful and surprising way of humanising a morally bad character. While Carlito should kill him for his betrayal, he lets him live, showing how much he wants to change. Any other crime boss would not suffer a rat to live.

Although there is one big plot hole that I would like to address. When the feds tell Carlito that Kleinfeld has betrayed him, they also tell him that his bodyguard Pachanga (Luis Guzman) has betrayed him and is now working for Benny Blanco from the Bronx. Despite knowing this, he still entrusts the safety of his girlfriend Gail (Penelope Ann Miller) to Pachanga. 

Lo and behold, right at the end, just as it looks like Carlito has won, Benny Blanco shoots him dead - thanks to Pachanga's devious ways. There was no way Carlito was ever going to walk off into the sunset, but his death was unrealistic. He is far more sentimental and trusting than any gangster has any right to be, but you think he would be more careful when it came to Gail. Especially when he knows that Pachanga has betrayed him.

But that notwithstanding, I did enjoy this film. It was the perfect telling of a redemption arc and it has a surprise standout performance from Viggo Mortenson. 

8 1/2 Review

Number 181 on the top 1000 films of all time is Fellini's 1963 surrealist, comedy-drama 8 1/2.

Guido Anselmi (Marcello Mastrioianni) is a famous Italian film director who experiences a creative block when directing his latest science fiction film. To overcome this block, he revisits pivotal points and relationships in his life.

Much like any of Ingmar Bergman's film, 8 1/2 is a film that can only be enjoyed if you're a diehard cinophile. I know that I'm doing a challenge to watch the top 1000 films of all time, but I am not a diehard cinophile. I'm not that deep when it comes to films. There's stuff I like and stuff I don't. And 8 1/2 wasn't something I particularly liked or could follow. Films like these are usually surreal - to the point of frustration, and I don't have the patience to wade through the many dream sequences or worse have to figure out what's a dream and what's reality.

Films about films like Tarantino's Once Upon a Time in Hollywood have an air of superiority. They're not so much a reference to what came before, but an ego trip for directors proving how much of a film buff they are. Granted being made almost sixty hours before OUATIH, 8 1/2 didn't have the same air of superiority, but it did feel like Fellini was dangling ideas over my head that I'm not intelligent enough to know they're even there.

But like I say, I'm not a cinophile and probably not intelligent enough to even begin interpreting this film. One IMDB reviewer noted you have to watch the film a few times to understand it. I probably won't be doing that anytime soon unless I have trouble getting to sleep.

Natural Born Killers review

 Surprisingly this film isn't on the top 1000 films of all time although considering how controversial it is, perhaps this isn't so surprising. However, it is one of my girlfriend's favourite films so I thought I would give it a watch.

Mickey and Mallory Knox (Woody Harrelson and Juliette Lewis) are a couple deeply in love. Both having abusive childhoods, they become mass murderers who go on a lethal rampage killing anybody who stands in their way. All the while their actions are glorified by the media, most notably by journalist Wayne Gale (Robert Downey JR) Their rampage culminates in them being arrested and sent to a prison controlled by the maniacal warden Dwight Mckluskey ( Tommy Lee Jones)

Penned by Quentin Tarantino, although he has since disowned the film, and directed by Oliver Stone, NBK is what I lovingly refer to as 'True Romance' on acid.  It is a surreal, abstract and bizarre two-hour rollercoaster with more cuts than you can shake a fist at. And enough filters and visual effects to keep film majors analysing for years. But the film's unique visual style is its greatest strength with every colour scheme and visual composition peeling away another layer of Mickey and Mallory's psychotic mindset. For example, my girlfriend argues that the use of black and white at the beginning signifies how Mickey and Mallory see the world and everybody in it. Some people are good. Some are bad. There is no in-between.

Later, Mickey and Mallory become lost on in the desert while tripping on mushrooms. They encounter a Navajo chief Red Cloud who feeds and shelters them.  As their trip takes a bad turn and Mickey's dark past surfaces, he shoots Red Cloud. Upon fleeing, the couple find themselves surrounded in a field of rattlesnakes, unsure of which are real, and which are hallucinations. An apt metaphor for the paranoia they're feeling.

As I've said earlier, this film is highly controversial due to how its portrayal of ultra-violence has been blamed for numerous copycat killings, most notably, the Columbine High School Massacre which Dylan Klebold and Eric Harris code-named as NBK. But Oliver Stone has argued that those who say this have completely misunderstood the point of the film. Rather he argues the film is a satire of how the mass media glorify serial killers and mass murderers. And this is a theme that Stone absolutely nails.

NBK regularly references cult leader Charles Manson and serial killer Richard Ramirez who both received huge followings upon their incarcerations, even going so far as to marry their fans. Over the decades, Hollywood has displayed a perverse fascination with serial killers, making many films about Jack the Ripper and the Zodiac killer just to name a few. The TV series Criminal Minds draws inspiration from many real-life crime stories. More recently, Tarantino himself depicted Charles Manson and his murderous cult in Once Upon a Time in Hollywood. Netflix also produced a series about Ted Bundy starring Zach Effron. And let's not forget my favourite film, The Godfather which utterly and totally romanticises and glorifies the Mafia.

But as a society, we have always had this twisted interest in serial killers and mass murderers - seeing how they ick and how they become the way they are.  Nowhere is this more present than in the film's arguably greatest scene which explores Mallory's backstory and how she and Mickey meet. Framed as a campy, 70s sitcom complete with laugh track, we bear witness to Mallory's horrific homelife. Her father (Rodney Dangerfield) who wrote most of his own dialogue, sexually abuses her and is also physically abusive to his wife who allows him to abuse their daughter. Mickey delivers meat to Mallory's family and helps her to kill them. But the sit-com's laugh track is quite obviously a proxy for the audience-cum-armchair therapists who obsess over analysing every single detail of a serial killer's/mass murderer's childhood.

Robert Downey JR also shines as brash, vulgar and sleazy journalist Wayne Gale. This despicable man will do anything to get an interview with Mickey and Mallory as he knows the ratings will go through the roof - even if that means helping them escape from prison during a riot. The violence even excites him as he starts to gain a vicarious thrill through the violence he witnesses. Not to mention, the violence also fuels his massive ego. He starts getting off on all the monstrosities that he sees and even begins participating in it. He is very much a proxy of how the media can manipulate the actions of these depraved killers to turn them into some type of twisted symbol or god. 

I must admit, I'm a little puzzled as to why this film was omitted from the top 1000 films of all-time list as it is well-deserving of a place. Its memorable visual style and nuanced exploration of complicated themes makes it very compelling and entertaining to watch. But then again, equally controversial films such as a Clockwork Orange have made the list, so who knows why one film is okay and the other one isn't. Perhaps it's not the ultra-violence that bothered audiences but more how Stone argues that through our own glorification and fascination of real-life ultra-violence, we are indirectly responsible for its creation and continuation.

True Romance review

 Number 344 on the top 1000 films of all time is Tony Scott's romantic crime drama True Romance.

I am watching this film out of order as I recently saw it in the roof-top cinema in Peckham, South London.

Penned by Quentin Tarantino, True Romance tells the romance of Clarence and Alabama. Clarence (Christian Slater,) a comic book store worker is unknowingly set up with call girl Alabama (Patricia Arquette.) A whirlwind romance and shotgun marriage later. Clarence confronts Alabama's pimp, Drexel (Gary Oldman) and unwittingly steals 500k of Drexel's coke. However, the coke actually belong to the mob. And they want it back. Val Kilmer, Christopher Walken, Brad Pitt, Samuel L. Jackson and James Gandolfini round out the supporting cast.

    Released in 1993, this was one of Tarantino's earliest ventures and, arguably, one of his most original. I've been critical of Tarantino's latest film - Once Upon a Time in Hollywood for being more of a homage than an actual movie - a similar criticism I also reserved for Kill Bill Volume 1. Yet that wasn't the case here. A quick pace and plenty of plot twists keep this film hurtling toward its thrilling conclusion.

    One such plot twist is Samuel L' Jackson's quick demise. Upon meeting Drexel, he mocks him relentlessly before Drexel blows him away. Plus a pre-Soprano James Gandolfini was utterly menacing as mobster Virgil. Sure you could argue that the fight scene with Alabama burdened on the ridiculous, but it was also great to see such a brilliant performance from Gandolfini.

Tarantino and Tony Scott also paced this film well. There aren't any too many dialogue scenes and there are plenty of comedic scenes the keep the content light. most of these were due to Brad Pitt's character of stoner Floyd. Reportedly, he improvised most of his dialogue which worked to great effect. Especially when he is interrogated by the ominous Gandolfini.

   This film climaxes in classic Tarantino fashion. Clarence meets a hot-shot movie exec to offload the coke in the hopes of fleeing the country with Alabama. However, the dead broker has flipped and is wearing a wire. On top of that, the mobsters have tracked down Clarence. Cue a massive shootout between the cops, the mobsters and the exec's security guards. Cue blood, bullets and everybody dying except for our heroes Clarence and Alabama. Although Clarence does dance with death for a second.

Reportedly Tarantino originally wanted to kill Clarence but Tony Scott convinced him otherwise. I think that's the better decision. The film is called True Romance and in a very twisted way it is a romance - the two loves Clarence and Alabama will do anything for each other - even kill. Seeing them walk into the sunset was more effective than seeing Alabama cry over Clarence's gravestone.

Again you can argue that the violent conclusion is gratuitous which is is. But by the same admission, it's also classic Tarantino. if you're not into that then you shouldn't be watching a Tarantino film. Especially this one. But if you want to watch Tarantino at his best, True Romance is the film for you.

The End review

The Bad Beginning Review

The Reptile Room Review

The Wide Window Review

The Miserable Mill Review

The Austere Academy review

The Ersatz Elevator review

The Vile Village review

The Hostile Hospital review

The Carnivorous Carnival Review

The Slippery Slope review

The Grim Grotto review

The Penultimate Peril review

Dear Reader,

we have reached the end  So you can stop reading.  Right now.  Look away.  Goodbye.

I want to start this review by saying this was a great ending to a great adaptation.  Dare I say it's the definitive adaptation.  Certainly more definitive than the train wreck of a film anyway.

If anything the End plays out like an extended denouement with the main narrative having been wrapped up in the Penultimate Peril.  Questions were answered in a satisfactory way and there was enough content that things never felt stretched out.

With the Hotel Denouement burning to the ground in the last episode, the Baudelaires escape with Count Olaf via a boat.  Moral dilemmas abound as the Baudelaires contemplate pushing Olaf overboard but they are interrupted by a storm that washes them onto a desert island.  The island was supposed to look like a tropical paradise, although the CGI was less than convincing.  But then again, the CGI has never been spectacular on this show.

The Baudelaires are discovered by a young girl called Friday who is scavenging what the storm has washed up on tidal shelf.  Friday invites the children back to her home.  However, when Olaf tries interfering, Friday fiercely rebuffs him.  This marks one of the few occasions that a character has so easily seen through Olaf's nefarious deceptions and signifies a decline in his hypnotic control.  He is left behind with the rest of the flotsam and jetsam on the tidal shelf.

The Baudelaires meet the rest of Friday's colony - a rag-tag bunch of people who has all washed up on the island.  They are all dressed exactly the same in simple robes and are presenting their finds to their leader Ishamel.  With his fluffy white beard and a long hair, Ishmael almost looks like God or, at the least, a shepherd.  And his ultimate concern is the safety of his flock.  This is why whenever he is presented with a scavenged item, he manipulates his flock into thinking it is dangerous and should be thrown away.  He makes a warm exception for the Baudelaires, inviting them to join the others, under the condition that they don't rock the boat.

However, he isn't so generous to Count Olaf.  When he tries to take control, Ishmael orders he be locked in a cage and left to drown by the tidal shelf.  Once again, the Baudelaires question the morality of this.  Olaf is their great villain, but is it right to leave him to die like this?

They see him and give him food.  He offers them crucial information about their parents and VFD if they release him.  They ultimately refuse and leave him to his fate.  From here, we see an interesting take on the trouble in paradise trope.  Everything appears to be idyllic on the island, but that is because there is no individuality.  Everybody has to dress the same.  They have to eat the same bland food and drink the same coconut cordial.  Suspecting something is amiss, the Baudelaires investigate.  They discover footprints leading to a secret cove.  In this cove is everything Ishmael claims is too dangerous for the island.  There are all manner of mechanical devices, books and things for biting.

But most intriguingly there is a huge book -  a book that contains the handwriting of the Baudelaire' parents.  Upon closer inspection, the children discover their parents were residents of the island.  Ishamel appears and explains that he created VFD to fight the figurative fires of the world.  It was here where he met and recruited Olaf into the organisation.  But after the schism, Ishmael left the group and exiled himself on the island.  Later on, the Baudelaire parents washed up.  They had Violet on the island and after a while, despite Ishmael's warnings, they leave the island.  They claim they can only do so much to shelter themselves from the evils of the world, before they have to stand up for what's right.

It's also revealed that the coconut cordial is slightly alcoholic, helping to he keep the colonists subdued.  There is also a big apple tree.  Ishmael reminds the Baudelaires that it is Decision Day tomorrow.  This is the one day of the year when the tide rises high enough that a boat can surpass the coastal shelf.  He offers them some cordial before encouraging them to stay on the island.

Decision Day arrives and nobody chooses to leave the island, but the Baudelaires.  Ishmael strongly argues they should stay and as things become heated, Friday spots another castaway.  A heavily pregnant Kit Snicket on a raft made of books.  As Violet and Sunny run to her, who should appear but Olaf.  He is crudely disguised as Kit.  The islanders immediately see through his disguise.  The two argue, but Olaf threatens to unleash the Medusoid  Mycelium the island.  Ishmael threatens to shoot Olaf with a harpoon gun.

But seeing Kit's pregnant belly makes Violet realise that Olaf is hiding disguising a diving helmet containing the Medusoid Mycelium as his pregnant belly.  Violet runs to stop Ishmael, but she's too late.  He harpoons Olaf, inadvertently unleashing the Medusoid and poisoning everyone, including Olaf, the colonists and the Baudelaires.  The children say that horseradish is the cure.  But Ishmael is unwilling to relinquish control and so he orders the colonists to sail to a horseradish factory in Lousy Lane.

The Baudelaires suspect the cure for the cure for the Medusoid is in the secret cove.  They discover it is in the apples of the apple tree, but are too weak to reach them  Just when things look lost, the Incredibly Deadly Viper appears, bringing the orphans an apple.  They eat and are instantly cured.

They bring the apple to Kit, but she doesn't eat it for fear of hurting her baby. Knowing they need to take her down from the raft, but being too weak, they have no other choice but to ask Count Olaf for help.  He is weak from the Medusoid and refuses to help.  Btu when he discovers Kit is in danger, he snaps into action. he eats the apple and brings Kit to the shore.  The two share a tender moment where the depth of Olaf's love for Kit is revealed.  And then he succumbs to his harpoon wound.

The Baudelaires rush Kit inside where later that night, in a surprisingly tense moment, she dies giving birth to a girl who the Baudelaires name after their mother Beatrice.  But before she dies, she reveals the secret of the Sugar Bowl.  inside is  sugar that is a botanical hybrid that immunises you against the Medusoid Mycelium.

The Baudelaires take care of young Beatice for a year before Decision Day comes and they decide it is finally time to leave.

But that's not the end.  Not quite yet.  We get a montage showing the fates of the different side characters.  The Quagmire are reunited.  Fiona and Fernald find their step father.  Olaf's former henchfolk find artistic fulfillment.  Finally we focus on the subplot bookending this episode.  A young girl is following in the footsteps of the Baudelaires.  She invites Lemony Snicket to share a story over ice cream.  And this young girl is none other than Lemony's niece Beatrice Baudelaire.  The episode ends on Beatrice and Lemony connecting over stories of the Baudelaires.  This was a particularly heartwarming note to end on.

And the same goes for the whole episode.  It was full of emotional pay-offs - Olaf and Kit's deaths, Lemony discovering his niece.  And none of these payoffs missed their marks.  What made this episode work so well was how it was only 1 episode, as opposed to a two parter.

While the two-parters are good, they often did feel padded, but this episode was perfectly plotted. It didn't lag and it didn't overrun. Everything was tied off nicely and there were some truly poignant moments.  This was great ending for a great series.  And I do hope the Baudelaires get the happily ever after they so truly deserve.  

Once Upon a Time in Hollywood review

Once Upon a Time in Hollywood (OUTIH) is too young to feature on the 2015 edition of the top 1000 films of all time, it does appear on the 2024 edition of the top 1000 films of all time, but I recently watched it in cinemas and here’s the review.

Rick Dalton (Leonardo Dicaprio) is a Hollywood actor who’s afraid that his career is at an end.  Cliff Booth (Brad Pitt) is his stunt double and driver.  Together they navigate the changing landscape of 1960’s Hollywood.  Meanwhile, Charles Manson and his cult machinate a plot to begin a race war by killing Roman Polanski (Raful Zavierachi) and his wife Sharon Tate (Margot Robbie.)

As well as directing this, Tarantino also directed Kill Bill.  My main criticism of that film was that it was more style than substance.  The same criticism applies here.  Rather than offering a strongly plotted narrative, Tarantino presents a mostly nostalgic vision of Hollywood and stretches it to its limit.

Where Kill Bill is a homage to martial arts films, OUTIH is a homage to 1960’s Hollywood.  It’s overly seasoned with gratuitous real-life allusions, from Dicaprio being digitally imposed into the Great Escape, to Brad Pitt fighting Bruce Lee (Mike Moh) to Steve Mcqueen (Damien Lewis) appearing for 5 minutes to even the title: Once Upon a Time in Hollywood being a reference to Sergio Leone’s ‘Once Upon a Time in the West” and … “in America.” Of course, Leone is best known for his spaghetti westerns with westerns featuring heavily in this film.

However, all these references felt more like Tarantino patting himself on the back, showing off how much he knows about Hollywood, rather than actually doing anything for the plot.  The real narrative lay in the conflicted mind of Dalton – a washed-up movie actor trying to revive his career.  Dicaprio was great in this role.  He imported true humanity to Dalton and prevented him from becoming just another of many Hollywood has-beens.  The scene where he breaks down in his trailer is the best example of this. Pitt was equally good. He won the Best Supporting Actor Oscar for a reason after all. The two of them were good together. Reportedly they developed a strong off-screen friendship which translated well on-screen.

What’s left of the plot focusses on Booth being mixed up in the Manson family.  Although this is more of a sub-plot that should have received more attention than it did, the outrageous ending notwithstanding.

Three of Manson’s cult go to kill Tate and Polanski.  Instead they decide to kill Dalton and Booth.  The plan goes wrong as all three are brutally killed in progressively over-the-top ways.  This stylisation of violence is quintessential Tarantino, but it does become silly at times.

And we need to take a moment to talk about feet again.  Tarantino is just trolling us at this point.  He knows that his foot fetish is common knowledge and doesn’t give a damn anymore.  From Margot Robbie’s feet at the forefront of the frame, to Margaret Qualley’s feet pressed right against the windscreen, it was all a bit much.

While the film has all of the classic Tarantino hallmarks, I fear it is another example of style over substance.  And I get it, Tarantino! You have a foot fetish.  You don’t need to remind me of it in every single movie. 

Hunted Season 4 Episode 2

Episode 1

Episode 2 of Hunted picks up exactly where the first episode left off.  The Hunters are on the door step of Nick Batchelor and Paul James - two ex-drug addicts and convicts who are determined to show it is possible for people to change.

The Hunters have tracked them to a friend's house in Bristol and have sent in a ground team to catch them.  Nick is outside having a cigarette where he is spotted.  A chase ensues and he is caught.  In the chaos, Paul escapes, but not for long, as he is caught hiding in a truck.  After five days, the two friends have been caught by the Hunters.  Honestly, I think they were a little sloppy.  They made grand claims about not letting their guard down, but that's exactly what happened.  Nick should have known better than to have a cigarette in the open air.

Time on the run: 5 days
Status: Caught

We now move onto our next fugitive: Royal Marine commando Matt Mason.  His plan is to go rural, specifically to hide out in the Brecon Beacons in Wales.  He is an experienced mountaineer and is confident that the Hunters won't find him here.  He has no qualms about sleeping rough or using a compass and map to navigate.  However, what he has in confidence and experience, he lacks in technological saviness.  The Hunters interview Matt's wife and search his house.  While Matt's wife stays mute, the Hunters recover Matt's phone and external hard drive.

Upon further investigation, they learn that Matt is naive when it comes to technology.  The Hunters discover reams of search results all relating to Matt's plan while on the run.  They find clues and maps concerning where he is heading and they discover he is planning to move through the Brecon Beacons. 

But Matt is so confident in himself that he decides to taunt the Hunters.  He washes in a mountain lake and uses a T-shirt to dry himself.  A t-shirt that says "come and find me." He mails it to the Hunters with the plan of being 150 miles south in Abergevenny when they receive it.

However, unbeknownst to him, the Hunters know his next step and send ground teams, a dog and drone to intercept him.  Matt plans to travel to Abergevenny, where he desperately needs to resupply, by bus.  But as time wears on, his cockiness erodes, as he wonders whether he has made a mistake.  He asks the locals whether they can drive him to Abergevenny.  They refuse and then grass him up. 

He decides to get on the bus and the Hunters think they have him trapped.  They are watching every road and aim to box him in.  However, Matt becomes increasingly anxious on the bus and ditches out early.  And, more than this, he has completely evaded the Hunters.  The last we see of him, he is planning to go off-grid again.

To be honest, I think Matt demonstrated a naivety that I wasn't expecting from him.  Everybody knows just how much information is being collected from us via the internet.  While deleting your search history doesn't actually do all that much, it is still a precaution worth taking.  And it's also not a good idea to use buses or trains.  The Hunters could be waiting for you at the other end.

Time on the run: 10 days
Status: At large

Our final fugitives are our two nurses from Devon, Emma Davidson and Jess Kirkham.  They've hitch hiked to the Lake District where they are staying in a caravan park.  Their plan is to hitchhike to Penrith and catch a train to Glasgow where they will stay with a friend.

We quickly see that Jess is the leader of the two - she describes herself as very bossy and this bossiness rapidly becomes a bone of contention between the two friends.  They have a fight and this definitely won't be the last fight they have.  They approach a garage owned by a Keith Dawson and ask if they can have a lift in exchange for doing some work.  Keith agrees, but then tweets out a picture of them.

The Hunters of course see it and contact Keith.  However, Keith doesn't rat them out, which was a bit weird.  I'm not sure why he tweeted the picture of the girls.  Was it just a taunt? Anyway, the Hunters access the CCTV at Keith's garage and spot the girls being driven to Penrith.  At the station, they don disguises and decide to travel separately without communicating until they reach their contact.

But the Hunters see right through their disguises and send ground teams to Glasgow.  While on the train, Emma starts becoming paranoid and anxious.  Their relationship was founded on the confident Jess always comforting and supporting the nervous Emma.  Without Jess by her side, Emma feels lost and she decides to break the plan.  She sneaks a note to Jess saying that at Glasgow, Jess will follow her a safe distance away until they reach their contact.

Jess is angry at the change of plan feeling that Emma has placed an immense amount of pressure upon her.  They argue and just as it looks like the two will fracture, they reconcile.  Emma holds the information for the contacts and the two realise they're stronger together than apart.

The two reach their contact who takes them into Perthshire.  Their contact is an old family friend called Grenville Botham - an ex-marine.  He has a network of ex-marine associates and plans to use them to help the girls.  However, the Hunters spot both he and the girls on CCTV and start tracking them.

Grenville takes the girls to a safehouse where they will stay for forty-eight hours.  In the meanwhile, he gives them a phone and says he will send a coded text containing instructions.  But the Hunters are of course tracking Grenville's phone and see straight through the message.  They discover the girls are going to be picked up by an Ed Anderson who shelters them within the Royal George Hotel.  They send teams to intercept, but Ed has already arranged for Stewart Mcrae to pick them up.

Suspecting Ed will take the girls to his house, the Hunters send teams to lie in wait.  But Ed unknowingly outsmarts them by instead taking them to his sister's house, as she is out of town.  The girls are hidden there, but let their guard down by sunbathing out in the garden.  The Hunters refused to give up and prowl around searching for Ed's car.  They spot it, just as Ed spots them and warns the girls.  Have Jess and Emma been caught? We'll have to wait until next week to find out.

But it'll be interesting to see what will happen if they aren't caught.  Will they stick together or will they separate? Although they reconciled here, as the pressure builds, they may split for good.  Historically, pairs that have separated have done very well.  Lauren and Emily separated and won the first series.  Ayo separated from Madu and won series 2, although Madu was caught.  And the legendary Bob and Alex Ayling separated and once again won.  We can only wait to see what happens.

Top three tips for going on the run

1. Wipe your internet history.  You don't need to be a tin-foil hat conspiracy theorist to know the government has reams of data on all of us.  And where do they get that from? The internet.
2. Don't use buses or trains.  Both Matt and Jess and Emma did this and were lucky not to get caught.  What do you do if you get off at the other end and the Hunters are waiting for you?
3. Don't get cocky.  I know the temptation is always there to taunt the Hunters, but it rarely ends well. 

And, as always, don't tell me your plans for going on the run in the comments below.  As we've discovered in this episode, the Hunters pay a lot of attention to internet and social-media based information.  Although, I wonder what the Hunters would make of my little blog if I ever went on the show.

Hunted season 4 Episode 1

Season 1
Season 2
Season 3

Channel 4's hit reality TV series Hunted has returned for a fourth season and so have my reviews.  Ten ordinary men and women surrender their identities to become fugitives.  Their goal is to avoid government capture for 25 days; if they do so, they'll win a share of £100k.  They cannot break the law and must stay on the British mainland.  However, they'll be going up against a fearsome team of ex-policemen, criminal psychologists, intelligence analysts and military personnel.  Armed with sniffer dogs, ground teams, ANPR software and all of the tools of the state, the Hunters will not make things easy for the fugitives.

The Hunters are led by Peter Bleksley - a man more cockney than Delboy.  He is an ex undercover policeman.  He has deputies in the form of Julie Clegg and Ben Owen who were both intelligence officers.  Amongst others, there is also Donna Young - a criminal psychologist.

With so many fugitives, to keep things simple, the series focusses on a few at a time, which is what I'll do too.  But firstly, we'll have a break down of the 10 fugitives.

Nicholas Bachelor: a 51 year old Youth Worker and ex-convict and drug addict from Kent.
Paul James: a 48 year old Construction Worker.  Paul is a close friend of Nicholas and helped him through the worst of his drug addiction

Emma Davidson, a 23 year old nurse from Devon.
Jess Kirkham: a 27 year old nurse also from Devon.

Harry Savage - a 20 year old drama student from Essex.  Harry is also gay and he is participating to challenge stereotypes about gay people.
Frank Savage - a 23 year old campsite owner and Harry's older brother.

Nathaniel Watt - a 26 year old architecture student from Nottingham
Ismail Haruna - a 27 year old architectural technologist also from Nottingham.

Matt Mason - a 29 year old Royal Marine from Devon.

Loren Hannon - a 26 year old personal banker from Essex.

Every season begins with the fugitives gathered in one place ready to go on the run.  This year, it began in Liverpool with the fugitives on a boat going up the River Mersey.  They reach the port of Liverpool and bail out.

This episode focusses particularly on Loren and Nick and Paul.  But here is a quick rundown on the other fugitives.

We quickly learn that Matt Mason is very cocky.  Due to his background as a Royal Marine, he feels he has the expertise to outsmart the Hunters.  He is seen using an ATM in a heavy disguise.  He then ducks behind a lamppost and changes his outfit, before changing it again later on.  He is last seen successfully escaping the city centre.  As a Royal Marine, the smart money would be on him.  However, as time and time again have proven, contestants like Matt Mason have never done as well as you think they would.

Season 1's Ricky Allen was a hot-favourite but crashed out halfway through.  Season 2 featured two overconfident ex-soldiers who were caught after a week and season 3 had a police officer who was also caught halfway through.

Next up, we have our two nurses from Devon - Jessica and Emma who we see very little of, but we do learn they successfully escape the city centre.

Harry and Frank Savage - the two brothers from Essex escape the city centre to the countryside, where they have to get fend off a herd of cows.  Here we see Frank's brotherly instincts emerge.  Harry is scared by the cows, but Frank is there to comfort him and get him through it.  The last we see of them, they are walking along a canal, before hitching a ride on a canal boat.  Although, canal boats aren't particularly fast, so I'm not sure how good of an idea that is.

Lastly, we have Nathaniel and Ismail who have the novel - and highly conspicuous - idea of using roller skates to escape the city.  While the Hunters spot them, the two friends escape to the countryside.

 The Hunters' immediate tactic is to go for the weakest link - that is the fugitive they think they can catch the easiest.

This seemingly appears to be Loren Hannon - the personal banker from Essex.  In intercut interview footage, we learn that Loren is ditzy and scatterbrained.  Before she became a personal banker, she spent a lot of time caring for her agoraphobic mother.  She wants to win the money for her.

The Hunters identify her as the weak link, as they think she is disorganised.  Case-in-point, she is wearing a bright yellow jacket which can be spotted from a mile away.  And worse, as she is running, her backpack busts open and everything falls out.  She has to spend vital seconds packing everything back up, which is enough time for the Hunter's helicopter team to spot her.  The Hunters send a ground team to catch her.

Knowing she is standing out like a sore thumb, Loren ducks under a flyover and loses the jacket.  With the Hunters seconds away, she escapes by hitchhiking a ride out of the city centre.  From there, she is driven 300 miles to Fort William in Scotland by her cousin.  It's here we learn that she has lived a very sheltered life.  The Hunters search through Loren's home and interrogate her mother who claims it is unlike Loren to have a fully-thought out plan.

However, the Hunters find a vague itinerary in her bedroom.  For me, this is a rookie error.  Loren should have known the Hunters would search her home, so she shouldn't leave a paper itinerary just lying around.  She shouldn't have written anything down in the first place, but, rather committed to memory.  However, as previously discussed, Loren isn't the type to plan things like this.  Loren has also received a lot of backlash online for using this tactic, which I don't think is entirely fair.

It's always easy to say these types of things sitting at the sofa at home.  But when you're in that situation with the pressure building, it is easy to make mistakes.  Last year, Alex Ayling made a schoolboy error where he told his getaway driver the exact place to find him, which wouldn't be so bad, if the Hunters weren't listening in.  Alex went onto win.  In season 2, Nick Cummings was also an unlikely winner.  It is only early and Loren did make a mistake.  But she doesn't deserve the criticism she received.

While the Hunters suspect the itinerary could be a trap, they see that she has plans to travel to Fort William.  Knowing it is only a small village, they tell local businesses to watch out for Loren.

While in Fort William, Loren stumbles upon the Ben Nevis distillery and explains her situation to the workers there.  They tell her to go to the North Face car park where they have a car she can use.  After promising not to grass her up, they promptly grass her up.  The Hunters send a ground team to the distillery, but they're too slow to catch Loren.

Not knowing how close she came, she meets more locals and asks if she can camp on their land.  They agree, but also warn her about the Hunters in the area.  She decides not to stay there and the locals drive her to safety before the Hunters can catch her.

The next fugitives are Paul James and Nicholas Batchelor.  Both of them are recovering drug addicts with Nick serving time for his drug offences.  To aid the fugitives, a new rule has been introduced.  If so they recruit an accomplice to help them.  Nick and Paul use their accomplices to help them escape Liverpool city centre.  However, the Hunters catch them on CCTV and send ground teams to intercept.

But Nick and Paul ask two of their friends to act as decoys.  The plan is for them to distract the Hunters by diving onto public transport allowing Nick and Paul to escape.  While the plan works for a little while, the Hunters identify the decoys as being just that.  However, the plan has worked enough for Nick and Paul to reach Cromer, Norfolk.  They were driven there by their associate David Seaman.

On Nick and Paul's social media, the Hunters learn more about Nick and Paul's past as drug addicts.  They see that they have been members of various support groups and suspect they will be using their network of recovering addicts to aid them.  The Hunters focus on one such associate - the aforementioned David Seaman.  They monitor his calls and find he's called up another associate of Nick and Paul - George Goody who will drive them to another location.

However, when George is 45 minutes late to the rendeyvous, desperation drives Nick to call him up through a burner phone.  The Hunters track the call and send teams to intercept.  Turns out that George screwed up and drove to the wrong rendeyvous.  But he corrects his error and picks up the boys to drive them to Bristol along a series of A roads.  The Hunters use ANPR to track George's car, where they discover Nick and Paul's plan to go to Bristol.

Once at Bristol, Nick and Paul hole up at the house of their friend, Caroline Hogan.  However, the Hunters have identified Caroline Hogan as a port in the storm and send ground teams to intercept.  Meanwhile, the boys plan to lie low at Caroline's - wash their clothes, eat some good food, before moving on.  They don't want to become too comfortable or they'll let their guard down.  But then, in the next shot, we see them smoking outside, which undermines their plan.

While, the Hunters think they've found Nick and Paul, they decide to keep a low profile, in case they spook the locals who in turn will warn Nick and Paul.  But the Hunters screw up and are caught snooping around a field by one of Caroline's neighbours.  Back at the house, we see Nick and Paul becoming increasingly paranoid.  When they see an unfamiliar car approach, they fear it's the Hunters, but it turns out to be the Piano Tuner.

If they're panicking like this on the first day, they're going to be in trouble further down the line.  The neighbour warns them about the Hunters.  Thoroughly spooked, Nick and Paul have a big choice to make.  With the Hunters closing in, just where do they run to next?

Top 3 tips for going on the run

1. Don't write things down.  Commit them to memory.
2. If you're using decoys, make sure they're wearing similar clothes to you and are of a similar build.
3. Invest in a good bag that won't fall apart when you're running around.

And, as always, if you're going on the run, don't tell me your plan in the comments below.  The Hunters could and probably are watching.

The Vile Village Review

The Bad Beginning Review

The Reptile Room Review

The Wide Window Review

The Miserable Mill Review

The Austere Academy review

The Ersatz Elevator review

Dear Reader,

if you are reading this blog, then obviously you like to read distressing stories of attractive and intelligent orphans confronting horrific events, such as stringent rules, villains and being burnt at the stake.  If this is the case with you, then I beg you to read happier tales.  Meanwhile, I will work to keep this blog where it belongs, at the bottom of the Search Engine rankings

If the Austere Academy was a parody of education, and the Ersatz Elevator of wealth and fashion, then the Vile Village is one of small town life and of the Spaghetti Western genre.

Their latest misadventure sees the Baudelaire orphans arrive in the village of VFD or the Village of Fowl Devotees - a small village which is populated by crows and residents who adhere to strict rules.  Under the aphorism of "it takes a village to raise a child," the whole village will raise the Baudelaire orphans.  Well, their handyman Hector will, while the rest will just boss them around and make them do their chores.  Meanwhile, Hector is too skittish to speak up against them - he is just the latest in a long line of helpful, but ineffective adults.  However, Hector is brave enough to defy the townspeople in private, by building a self-sustaining mobile home in his secret barn.

However, where the Baudelaires go, Count Olaf is sure to follow.  And where Count Olaf goes, so does Jacques Snicket and Olivia Caliban.  Snicket confronts Olaf in the town saloon, where it is revealed that Olaf was once a good man who fought evil and fires alongside Snicket.  However, then something happened which catapulted him into a lifetime of villainy.  These were interesting nuggets, which helped to develop Olaf's character.  But Snicket gets the best of Olaf and imprisons him in the town jail.  And then the police catch him, send him to jail and the Baudelaires live happily ever after.  Right?

Wrong! Nothing ever goes right in this story.  Actually, that's not true, the Baudelaires discover couplets that could be written by none other than Isadora Quagmire.  The Baudelaires suspect that within these couplets is a clue to the Quagmires' location.  But before they can investigate any further, they encounter no other, than their previous guardian and Count Olaf's girlfriend, Esme Squalor, disguised as police officer Luciana, who reports the news that Count Olaf has been captured.  But it's really Jacques Snicket who has been crudely made up to look like Count Olaf.  Although, curiously, Snicket also has a tattoo of an eye on his ankle.

And where is the real Count Olaf? Disguised as the ultra-annoying Detective Dupin.  When the townspeople want to just fine Snicket for his supposed villainy, Olaf calls for him to be burnt at the stake and then mob mentality takes hold.  Snicket is taken to jail.  The Baudelaires plead for Hector to help them free Snicket, but when he refuses, they take it upon themselves.

However, their rescue plan goes awry when it emerges that Snicket has been murdered.  And on that note, the first part of this episode ends.

And just when you thought things couldn't get any worse for the Baudelaires, Olaf then frames for Snicket's murder, by using the very items, they were using to break Snicket out of jail.  This was a nice diversion from the books, where Olaf plants evidence.  I preferred the TV version, as it shows how the plans of our heroes can backfire on them.  Anyway, the Baudelaires are sent to jail with Hector being too skittish to defend them.

Once in jail, the Baudelaires figure out that the Quagmires are trapped in the fountain in the centre of town.  Klaus also comes to the sad conclusion that today is his 13th birthday, which was a nice human moment.  With this realisation, Klaus becomes resigned to his fate, claiming that nothing short of Deus Ex machina will save them now.  But trusty Violet uses their prison rations, as well as a wooden bench to create a battering ram to smash their way out of jail.  From there, they free the Quagmires only to discover that the townspeople are still baying for their blood.

Deus ex Machina then arrives in the form of Jacquelyn and Larry-the-Waiter.  However, they do little to deter the townpeople who then tie them up.  This was a nice example of how unrealistic Deus ex Machina can be, but it is also another example of how useless Jacquelyn and Larry actually are.  I can't think of how many times they've actually helped the Baudelaires.

Anyway, Hector finally gains the courage to start up his self-sustaining, hot-air mobile home, just in time to rescue the Baudelaires and Quagmires.  And so, all five orphans and Hector live happily ever after.  Right? Wrong.  Hector drops a ladder, which the Quagmires are able to climb up to safety.  However, their slow progress, allows Esme Squalor to begin firing at them using a harpoon gun.  When it becomes obvious that the mobile home can't take anymore damage, the Baudelaires decide to let their friends fly to safety, rather than endanger them.

Meanwhile, Esme Squalor unintentionally harpoons one of the VFD crows, breaking the most sacred rule of the town.  The townspeople turn on Olaf and Esme, who only just escape.  Now fugitives, the Baudelaires ride off into the sunset, accompanied by a score, which could be straight out of a Sergio Leone Western.

I still continue to enjoy this show.  Sure, the meta-humour, as well as Lemony Snicket's interludes have lost their novelty, they are still enjoyable to watch.  But what I love most is just how different parts of society are parodied.  In perhaps the darkest installment yet, VFD is ravaged by mob psychology, as the townspeople become suspicious of outsiders.  The set design and production continues to amaze.  From the Sergio Leonesque score and the Baudelaires riding of into the sunset, we already know this to be a parody of a Western.  But there also sweeping landscape shots of the Hinterlands - wastelands desolate enough to be reminiscent of the Western frontier.  Detective Dupin is a grotesque parody of John Wayne/Clint Eastwood cowboy characters - the characters who are always cool, regardless of how dire the situation is.  And don't forget the saloon and town jail, which wouldn't be out of place in one of the Dollars' films.

But what surprised me the most about this episode is how dark it was.  Zack Handlen of the AV Club has written extensively about how ASOUE has always felt like a low-stakes drama.  The threat Count Olaf poses is underminded by his constant blundering.  True this is a kid's show, but even kid's shows need threatening villains.  And this is what this episode had.  By killing the heroic Jacques Snicket, and having the Baudelaires almost being burnt at the stake was an effective way of injecting some immediacy into a show that is becoming overfamiliar.

VFD and cultural references.

1. Village of Fowl Devotees - the most obvious reference was the only one I spotted.
2. The deconstruction of Deus Ex Machina was effective to watch