Top Ten unfunniest comedies on the top 1000 films of all time

 Since 2015, I have been VERY SLOWLY working through IMDB's 2015 edition of top 1000 films of all time. In that time, I have watched some absolutely hilarious films and some not-so-hilarious films. This list is about the latter. These are ten of the unfunniest comedies on this list. This is in no order but chronology. 

Mash (1970)

If you don't know the film Mash then surely you know the TV show. It is famed for having the most-viewed television finales in history. That means it was a critical and commercial success with everybody who watched it, right? Wrong. Christ, this was a tedious film. It featured Donald Sutherland in one of his most unappealing roles, as he Eliot Gould and Tom Skerrit played some of the jerkiest, most moronic characters in film history.

National Lampoon's Animal House (1978)

This is the film that inspired this list so you know how much I despise it. This film showed the USA's strange fascination with fraternities at its absolute worst. Thus far my perception of them has been annoying, alpha-male jerks drinking and getting into trouble. This film did little to convince me otherwise. It didn't help the characters were so stupid and unlikeable - too stupid to even be funny. Never mind laughing...I don't think I smiled once.

Manhattan (1979)

You just know Woody Allen had to feature on this list. God knows how he is considered a comedy legend...his films are painfully unfunny. Manhattan was no exception least of all due to its morally dubious premise. Woody Allen plays a neurotic, middle-aged comedy writer (basically the role he plays in EVERY FILM EVER) is dating a woman twenty-five years his junior and has to constantly justify his relationship to everybody. It's creepy beyond belief. But the film's one saving grace? The black-and-white cinematography was gorgeous.

The Goonies (1985)

The Goonies has featured before in my top ten worse film list, so you already know how much I hate it. I know that it's a favourite of Gen X and early millennials, but I absolutely hated it. It failed as a comedy. What's funny about having a group of annoying, pre-teen boys screeching their way through a film? Like nails down a chalkboard. Plus the film completely wasted Joe Pantoliano.

The Sandlot (April 1993)

I hated the Sandlot for the same reasons I hated the Goonies. Except the Sandlot was worse. There weren't five annoying kids, but ten of them. They all looked the same and very quickly got on my nerves. I couldn't tell one from another and I didn't really care. There was nothing funny at all about the film except for the numerous plot holes.

Dazed and Confused (September 1993)

If a comedy film doesn't make you laugh then it's failed as a comedy, right? That was strike 1 for Dazed and Confused. Strike 2? An unlikeable cast of characters including obnoxious bullies and equally obnoxious victims. Strike 3? Nothing interesting or funny remotely happens. But this film did launch Matthew McConaughey's career so that's something I guess...

Clerks (1994)

If a film only makes you laugh twice in ninety minutes then you know it's gone wrong somewhere. In fact, I think Clerks put me to sleep more often than it made me laugh. That's a big no-no for any comedy. Why did I fall asleep? The characters were annoying, but, more importantly, the film was just plain boring.

Happiness (1998)

Happiness is marketed as a dark comedy. While it was dark, it was certainly not funny. Or maybe I'm just a snowflake. Or maybe I don't like comedies which humanise nonces or voyeurs. It was all in bad taste. And there was nothing funny seeing PSH spunk himself and using that spunk to glue pictures to the walls. It was pure repulsion.

South Park: Bigger, Better and Uncut (1999)

I've never liked the South Park TV series, so it was no surprise I also hated the film. Call me a liberal snowflake all you want, but the humour was just so juvenile and immature. Maybe if I was a ten-year-old American, I would find it funny. But I'm a thirty-year-old Brit. And it was so repetitive. How many times are we supposed to laugh at the same joke happening over and over again? 

Despicable Me (2010)

Despicable Me also featured on one of my top ten worse films list, so that probably gives you an idea of how unfunny of a film it is. It features Steve Carell giving one of his worse comedy performances ever, but, beyond that, the humour is just plain juvenile. Come on Hollywood writers. How many times are you going to do a fart joke before it stops being funny?

What comedies did I forget to include? Let me know in those comments below. If you've become really pissed off at reading this list, you aint seen nothing yet. There will be another list coming soon enough.

The Boondock Saints review

 Number 397 on the top 1000 films of all time is the vigilante crime-drama 'The Boondock Saints.'

Connor (Sean Patrick Flannery) and Murphy McManus (Norman Reedus) are Irish twin brothers living in Boston. After a call from God, they become vigilantes determined to rid the city of its dark, sleazy underworld. They are later joined by their friend Rocco. Meanwhile, FBI agent Paul Smecker (Wilhelm Dafoe) is tasked with tracking them down.

I hated the 2006 film Running Scared, because it had the appearance of being written, shot and edited by a twelve-year-old boy. Whoever this twelve-year-old boy was, he was evidently warming up on the Boondock Saints.

The Boondock Saints  was released at an unfortunate time; the Columbine High School Massacre had only happened two weeks before. Due to its violent nature, the Boondock Saints was given an extremely limited release where critics absolutely crucified it. However, it also gained a cult following, hence its inclusion on this list.

I'm with the critics though. I thought the Boondock Saints was so over-the-top that it was just plain ridiculous. It was just scene after scene of over-exaggerated gun fights tied together by the flimsiest of narratives. Vigilante justice is a great idea to explore. If done right, it can be brilliant e.g Dexter Morgan or Batman. But there needs to be a good reason for why the vigilantes are doing what they're doing.

The twin brothers decide to become vigilantes because of ... reasons. No, sorry, it's because they had a call from God and they're good Catholic boys. That's it. Unlike Dexter or Bruce Wayne, they don't witness their parents being murdered in front of them as children. It didn't help that the dialogue was cheesiness personified down to the weird Catholic prayer the brother recited, before they killed their victims. 

Plus, the brothers are two rough-around-the edges rogues. Why then was there a scene of them speaking fluent Russian, French, Spanish and Italian and German? As Smecker states, they're two un-educated rogues working in a meat factory. I don't buy they would speak any other language than English and Gaelic.

I mentioned Dexter earlier. Sean Patrick Flannery went onto have a supporting role in that. Norman Reedus later starred in the Walking Dead. Both are good actors, but they were hampered with a lousy script. Plus, their Irish accents were incredibly inconsistent.

Wilhelm Dafoe was also very over-the-top as Paul Smecker. It was like he was given the brief of odd-ball, maverick detective and allowed to run away with it. From the finger guns to examining crime scenes while listening to Italian opera to the closeted homosexuality to the river-dancing and appearing in drag, it was way too much. Part of this was down to Dafoe and part of it was down to writer/director Troy Duffy.

We've come to the twelve-year-old boy in question. Troy Duffy was a complete novice to screen-writing and directing. He had previously worked as a night-club bouncer. The Boondock Saints was his first script. And you can see he was still wet behind the ears. From the cheesy script to the two-dimensional characters to the gratuitous violence to the weird dropping of the n-word, it was a poor directorial debut. Obviously, I wouldn't do any better, but Duffy still had a lot to learn.

He also employed this weird device of explaining something that happened and then showing it in a flashback. This was plain confusing. A linear, straightforward narrative would have been far more cohesive.

Finally, we've come to Billy Connolly who played Il Duce - a legendary hit man. Believing Rocco to be behind the murders, the Italian mob scheme to have Il Duce released from prison. He's the only one strong enough to beat Rocco...apparently.

Billy Connolly was very much playing against type - he was also delighted to do so. But as a comedian, I had trouble believing him as a badass, unstoppable hitman. His faux Hannibal Lecter introduction did nothing to help things either.

I did not enjoy the Boondock Saints. It was an excessively violent, over-the-top affair that had no business being on the top 1000 films of all time.