Struggling to fall asleep? Have chronic insomnia? Forget the tablets and therapy and just put on one of these films instead. You'll be sleeping like a baby in no time.
Silly jokes asides, I know that this list will attract a fair few haters. Almost all of the films I'm going to mention feature on the top 1000 films of all time, which I am watching and reviewing here.
But I don't care if the audiences at IMDB loved these films, I found them long, bloated and so boring that I fell asleep. This list will be in no particular order.
Some would argue that this film's depiction of race relations has not aged well. But that's not my problem. In fact, I can barely remember any of the supposedly problematic film, because it put me to sleep within the first hour, let alone the three hours that succeeded it. Did we really need a four hour about the American Civil War?
Yes, Clark Gable and Vivian Leigh were charismatic enough, if their characters were annoying. Yes, Hattie Mcdaniels was the first black actor to win an Oscar, although due to the segregation laws at the time, she wasn't allowed to attend the ceremony, but this film was still so boring.
Come at me. Call me a philistine. Frankly, my dear, I don't give a damn.
If David Lean was best-remembered for directing anything, it's overly-long, drawn-out epics. Doctor Zhivago was a close second, but the four-hour Lawrence of Arabia won out. Yes you heard that correctly. Four hours of nothing happening. Oh sorry. No, the characters talk on occasion. And there's also a million master shots of the sand dunes. I get it. It's in the desert. I don't need to be reminded of it again and again. Okay, the original score was very good, but if you were listening to it for four hours, you would be sick of it too.
How this film won Best Picture Oscar, as well as Best Director for Kevin Costner is one of the most baffling decisions up there with Crash winning Best Picture over Brokeback Mountain.
The 3-hour slog that is Dances with Wolves is completely devoid of conflict, tension and anything that would make it remotely interesting. There are some who accuse it of a white saviour narrative. I don't know how you stayed awake long enough to make that assessment. Costner's wooden performance and exposition-heavy narration did nothing to help things either. Dances with Wolves? More like dancing in my dreams.
But James! Ben-Hur won eleven Oscars! It has to be one of the best films ever made. That might be true. It's also one of the most boring films ever made. Excluding the overture, intermission and entr'acte, the film is over 210 minutes long. With all the above? It's probably four bloody hours. Certainly long enough to put you to sleep. In fact, you could fall asleep, wake up and the film wouldn't even be halfway through yet.
Because if a film has to have an intermission then it's too damn long. Yes, the chariot scene is exciting, but it was the only exciting part of this majorly tedious affair.
Although I liked this film when I first saw it, my mind has changed over time. The dramatisation of the two journalists who reported on the Watergate Scandal is a complicated, convoluted and hard-going affair with a lot of characters to keep track off.
Yes, Dustin Hoffman and Paul Newman give charismatic performances, but they spend much of the film either on their typewriters, speaking on the phone or having mysterious conversations in shadowy car parks. It hardly makes for the most entertaining of cinema.
And we have come to the world of Italian cinema with Federico Fellini: one of the most famous Italian film directors of all time.
8 1/2 is one of his most famous films and also one of his most boring. He isn't even a bad director; La Strada was a good film, and while, La Dolce Vita had annoying characters, at least it didn't put me to sleep.
As 8 1/2 focusses on a creatively-stifled film-maker trying to direct a science-fiction film, I think it would only appeal to hard-core cinephiles. I am not one of those, hence why I found this film boring.
Avatar
I initially watched this film over ten years ago and have never been brave enough to watch it again, hence why I haven't reviewed it.
But if I had, I would have said that if James Cameron had put as much effort into the script, story and characters, as he had the visual effects, he could have made another brilliant film. Instead, he had a visually stunning film with a cliched storyline and forgettable characters.
Youtuber Jacksfilms challenged people to name a single character from Avatar and very few people could.
I almost stopped watching Avatar halfway through, and I really wish I had.
I'm going to come out and say it. Daniel Day-Lewis didn't deserve his third acting Oscar win for this film. His portrayal of Abraham Lincoln was nothing compared to Daniel Plainview in There Will be Blood.
But while the Academy might love a biopic period drama, I don't. This was a convoluted, hard-going affair filled to the brim with character after character. Most of which don't need to be there.
Solaris (2002)
This film is only one hundred minutes long, so you think it would be an east watch, but it is actually dull as dishwater.
There is far too much slow-motion. Too many montages set to cheesy music. I actually fell asleep and missed the last hour of this film. Upon rewatching, I realised I hadn't missed a thing. There is probably a reason why the original Solaris was featured on the top 1000 film list, but this American remake wasn't.
You will need a keen mine to understand this Soviet science-fiction film. If you don't, you will struggle in understanding its esoteric ideas, as I did.
There isn't much happening in the way of action, or at all, with much of the film taking place through philosophical debates between the different characters. Tedious stuff.
So, next time, you're struggling to get to sleep, instead of reaching for your phone, put on one of these films instead. You will never have trouble sleeping again.
It's Clark Gable in Gone with the Wind, not Cary Grant. I haven't seen all these films, but I would concur with James's conclusion in that they're all too long and self indulgent. I've fallen asleep watching many better films than these. But that's my problem.
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