The Friendzone

This article is all about the slippery little topic known as the “friendzone.” What I imagine is one of the most talked-about, controversial and annoying issues in history.  Firstly, I would like to preface this article by saying that I have never knowingly been put into the friendzone- every time that I’ve been rejected, I actually haven’t stayed friends with my rejector, so I don’t have any first-hand experience with the infamous friendzone.  But I do still have opinions about it based on what I’ve heard.  

Now if you’re a girl who’s rejected a guy, then I’m sure you’ve heard, at least once in your life, “I can’t believe she put me in the friendzone,” or “nice guys finish last” or “girls only like bad guys.” Hearing stuff like this just irritates me and I’m going to expose all of the myths concerning the friendzone for what they really are: unsubstantiated, socially constructed bullshit.  Now, whilst I acknowledge that the friendzone is a real concept, it certainly isn’t something to get your panties in a twist over.

Firstly, we’ll start with one of the most common myths relating to the friendzone: “she rejected me, because I’m too nice.” Before we get into this ‘too nice’ crap, let’s explore some other reasons she might have turned you down.  She likes somebody else.  She’s never thought of you in that way or shock-horror she doesn’t like you!!!!!!!!! Too many guys think girls are contractually obliged to date every single guy who asks them, when they’re under no such obligation.  I mean guys, do you give every single girl who’s liked you a chance? I doubt it.  I sure as shit haven’t, because guys, just the same as girls are under no moral obligation to date every single girl that likes them.  Guys, just like girls, have every right to friendzone people.  Oh wait, James? What’s that? Girls can be friendzoned too? You’re goddamn right they can.  The only difference is that girls don't whine about it.

Now it’s no secret that girls are attracted to confident men.  And by confident, I mean men who are assertive, independent, persistent, determined; men who know how to have fun and how to blow off steam, not some little punkass puny crybaby who’s too scared to take a risk with the girl they like.  Think of Back to the Future, for example.  Marty’s father only wins over his mother, when he finally confronts his fears and insecurities and gives Biff what’s coming to him.  People of both genders are attracted to people who are confident and secure within themselves, not nervous, insecure wrecks who love to whine about things.  People who know who they are and are comfortable in their own skins.  People who take initiative and try to change things, not people who constantly complain about their situations and what put them there.  After all, everyone loves a rags to riches story.  Celebrities like Robert Downey JR. are adored for overcoming the challenges in their lives, rather than whining about them.  So remember guys, when girls reject you for being too nice, this isn’t an excuse for you to start complaining, but a reason to begin changing the things that you don’t like about yourself. 

Nice guys finish last.  It’s actually true and the reasons for it are very logical.  Confident “bad guys” finish first, because they’re not afraid to go for what they want.  It’s another reason why girls friendzone guys.  Unless you have a limitless amount of patience, chances are you’ll grow tired of waiting for something that might never happen.  We live in a society where we can buy virtually anything at the click of the mouse and therefore an attitude of instant gratification has arisen.  We no longer want to wait for rewards, but rather we want them instantly.  Furthermore, “nice guys” who label themselves as such, aren’t really that nice.  Rather they’re egotistical jerks who expect to be rewarded for being nice.  Whatever happened to kindness is its own reward or the code of chivalry, even if the majority of it actually focused on knights only fighting other knights and serving their king and country above all.  If you always expect yourself to be rewarded for being nice, then this just makes you needy and desperate and therefore unattractive.  You’re the equivalent of a cute little puppy following a girl around: cute and cuddly for sure, but not someone who emanates confidence and security.

Thirdly, girls only date bad guys.  What a load of crap.  If you think girls only date brainless douchebag quarterbacks or organised criminals, then you’ve been watching too many movies.  As I said before, girls like confident guys who are assertive and aren’t afraid to chase their dreams.  These only seem to be the “bad guys,” because these guys don’t care about what others think of them nor are they trying to live up to other people’s expectations; they have their minds set on one thing and nothing is going to stop them from achieving it.  It makes perfect sense for a girl to be attracted to a guy like this.  Hell, I would be attracted to a guy like this.  This does not mean that ALL girls like bad guys.  Rather they like the confidence, the assertiveness and the security that these “bad guys” emanate.  And of course, the same goes for guys.  In season 3 of the Sopranos, Tony Soprano justifies his attraction to his new goohmah Gloria by arguing that she, unlike her immature younger predecessor, has actually struggled in life and has overcome challenges rather than just being a little spoilt brat throwing tantrums when she doesn’t get her way.

So, in summary, if you think you have a chance with a girl then go for it.  I’ve seen so many situations where guys wait too long to make a move and get friendzoned because of it.  My advice is strike whilst the hammer’s hot; if you think there’s a spark then act on it.  Don’t wait around.  Don’t wait until she forgets you or until the relationship stagnates.  Just do it.  And if it doesn’t work out, then who cares? Instead of wallowing in self-pity and whining, pick yourself up and move on.  If you end up in the friendzone, you put yourself there and it’s up to you to get yourself out.  Don't just whine about it like a little bitch; grow a dick and a pair of fucking balls and actively work to ensure you're never put in the friendzone again.  Hell, some girls might find this resolution and determination attractive.  After all, if you don’t have the balls to risk everything for the girl you like, do you really deserve to have her?