Ten scariest horror films on the top 1000 films of all time

 I will be the first to admit that I don't like horror films. Alas, I am too cowardly to brave all the jumpscares and torture porn. However, since I have started working through the top 1000 films of all time, I have naturally watched a number of different horror films. Here are my top ten. This list is only ranked chronologically. Spoilers to come.

Freaks (1932)

Freaks ranks 377th on our famous list. And we are going all the way back to the thirties with this pre-code horror film. Yes, it suffered terribly from studio interference, but it was still one of the earliest examples of how cinema has the power to scare us. True, it might be tame compared to modern standards, but the final scene of the eponymous "freaks" crawling through the morning rain to kill one of their own was terrifying to see.

The Wicker Man (1973)

The Wicker Man ranks 620th on the list. Without a doubt, it is the scariest horror film of all time. It also pioneered the folk-horror genre. If you loved the Witch or Midsommar then you owe the Wickerman a debt of thanks. Made on a miniscule budget, it was no less the scary for it. The final scene of the villagers gaily singing while Ed Woodwood burns to death was horrific.

The Texas Chainsaw Massacre (1974)

This film comes in at 813th. And it is a brilliant example of how less is more. It was another low-budget film that excelled in building atmosphere. Rather than overlying on jumpscares and gore, it chose when to scare us. Yes, Leatherface chasing after Sally was awful, but I'd argue the previous scene of her strapped to the chair with the cannibals all around her was scarier still.

Suspiria (1977)

This Italian horror film ranks as the 851st best film of all time. A dance student discovers a coven of witches at her academy. Cue one of the scariest films of the seventies. Yes, the special effects were a bit dated, but the soundtrack performed by Italian rock band Goblin sent the scares through the roof. The scene of one student falling into a pit of razor wire still lives rent-free in my head.

Alien (1979)

Ridley Scott's Alien is the 58th best film of all time. It will have you on the absolute edge of your seat. Alien is a terrifying film that never lets up for a moment. From start to finish, it is high on suspense. Ellen Ripley remains one of the best movie heroines of all time while much of horror and science-fiction owes a huge debt to Ridley Scott. From face-hugging to chest-bursting, this film has many iconic scenes. In fact, it scared me so much that I'm not brave enough to go back and rewatch it.

Misery (1990)

Misery is the 469th best film of all time. While I was tempted to include the 1976 adaptation of Carrie - also based on a Stephen King book - Misery edges it for Kathy Bathes Oscar-winning, standout performance of superfan Annie Wilkes. What was scary about her was how real she was. She isn't a vampire or an alien or a weird pagan cult, but she is a human being driven to madness by her fanatism toward author Paul Sheldon played by James Caan. And there are plenty of people just like Annie Wilkes in the real world. That's what makes her so scary.

The Silence of the Lambs (1991)

Number 29 on the top 1000 films of all time is only the third film to have won the Big Five Oscars. There are some who might not agree that it is a traditional horror film but everybody would agree that it is scary. It features Anthony Hopkins in a career-defining role where despite only having eight minutes of screentime still won the Best Actor Oscar. This shows just how he gave such a scary performance.

Speaking of scares, the final scene of Clarice Starling hunting Buffalo Bill in the dark cemented this film as having legendary status.

Requiem for a Dream (2000)

Requiem for a Dream is the 87th best film of all time. Similarly to the previous entry, not everybody would argue this is a traditional horror film, but I still think it is one of the scariest films ever. Not to mention one of the most intense watches since Alien. Telling the story of four drug addicts in New York City, it is one of those films too upsetting to watch more than once. I have, because I obviously hate myself. But if you want your children to never do drugs, show them this film. They'll be teetotal for life. And probably traumatised too.

The Ring (October 2002)

The Ring is the 971st best film of all time. I'm so glad that I watched it in the morning and not in the evening. I would never have fallen asleep otherwise. This remake of the Japanese Ringu has become an iconic film in its own right. After all, what could be scarier than turning off the TV and still having a possessed demon girl crawl through it to kill you.

28 Days Later (November 2002) 

28 Days Later comes in at 653 on the list. By 2002, the zombie horror genre was floundering. This was long after George A. Romero pioneered the genre and long before the Walking Dead TV series. 28 Days Later helped to revolutionise the genre by introducing zombies that could run, which are far scarier than anything you could might see in Night of the Living Dead. Of course, it also introduced us to future Oscar-winner Cillian Murphy.

This intimate, quiet yet horrifying zombie horror film was the perfect shot of adrenaline that the genre needed. 

The Exorcist review

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Magnolia film

 Number 314 on the top 1000 films of all time is Paul Thomas Anderson's 1999 drama 'Magnolia.'

Magnolia tells the epic story of a group of damaged characters as they search for meaning in the San Fernando family. The ensemble cast includes Tom Cruise as pick-up artist Frank Mackey, Jason Robards as Mackey's estranged, ailing father Earl Partridge, Philip Seymour Hoffman as his nurse Phil Parma and Julianne Moore as Earl's much younger wife Linda. William H. Macy plays former child quiz show genius Donnie Smith while John C. Reilly plays policeman Jim Kurring -a  lonely man looking for love. Finally, there is Philip Baker Hall who plays game show host Jimmy Gator who is also suffering from ill health.

Although Paul Thomas Anderson is highly revered as a director, I have never been too big on his films. Sometimes I find that his films buckle under the weight of their own ambition. I'm probably going to piss off a bunch of cinophiles, but I wasn't keen on either Boogie Nights - also starring Julianne Moore and Philip Seymour Hoffman - or There Will be Blood. Yes, they had their good individual elements like Daniel Day-Lewis, but I didn't like them as a whole.

And that is what I felt about Magnolia. There were lots of great elements, but they were disparate and they didn't mesh together well. Even anthology films like Paris Je T'aime have an over-arching theme connecting the disparate elements together regardless of whether this theme was more figurative than literal. Yet the different elements of Magnolia stayed stubbornly unconnected.

Having said that, the individual elements were excellent with Tom Cruise, Philip Seymour Hoffman and Julianne Moore leading the charge. Tom Cruise proved just how good of a dramatic actor he is in his portrayal of Frank Mackey. He shone as the pick-up artist who embodied the obnoxiousness, self-confidence and arrogance you would expect from somebody in that field. It's no surprise really as Mackey was modelled on a pioneering pick-up artist Ross Jeffries.

But Tom Cruise showed his dramatic chops when he played Mackey making amends with his estranged father as the latter lay dying. Cruise proved why he was nominated for Best Supporting Actor by channeling his own personal grief about losing his father.

He even brought Philip Seymour Hoffman to genuine tears. Hoffman and Moore were impressive. Out of the different element, this was one of the best. I also enjoyed John C. Reilly who, instead of playing your comedic relief or lovable oaf, brought a lot of humanity to a lost man looking for love.

I could have done without William H. Macy or Jeremy Blackman's storylines. Blackman played Stanley Spector - a child, quiz-show genius, similar to Macy. Spector's storyline was meant to show the horrific pressures child stars are subjected to within the entertainment industry. This is true, but the storyline was rather on the nose especially his cheesy speech about how they were exploiting him. It was true and the exploitation was sad to see - upon being denied a bathroom break due to the tight shooting schedule, Spector pees himself - but the speech was still cheesy.

Although Magnolia had lots of impressive elements, I am not convinced they all married together well.

Ratatouille review

 Number 313 on the top 1000 films of all time is Pixar's 2007 animated comedy-drama 'Ratatouille.'

Remy (Patton Oswalt) is a rat who has aspirations of becoming a chef. His dreams become reality when he forms an unlikely relationship with the human Linguini (Lou Romano) pot-washer at the prestigious Gusteau restaurant in Paris. The restaurant used to belong to renowned Auguste Gusteau (Brad Garrett) before his death. It is now under the care of Gusteau's former sous-chef Skinner (Ian Holm) who hate Linguini.

Ratatouille was an entertaining if uneven effort by Pixar studios. While it was good, I certainly wouldn't rank it highly. Like you would expect from any Pixar film, it was bursting with creativity and the animation was gorgeous. It helped that you had famous chef Thomas Keller acting as a consultant who provided valuable information about how a restaurant works and how food should look.

In Finding Nemo, Pixar arranged for the cast and crew to go diving in a coral reef to help them truly understand that environment. The same happened here with the crew spending time in real restaurant kitchens. This gave the film a great authenticity and realism.

However, I still found the film to be incredibly lacklustre. The plot was predictable. Obviously films don't need to be littered with plot twists to be enjoyable, but I still found Ratatouille cheesy. Linguini becomes too big for his boots which drives a wedge between him and Remy. But the two make amends in time for both of them to get their happily ever after. It was all very obvious.

The voice-acting wasn't very memorable either. It was a mixture of lesser-known actors like Lou Romano, Brian Dennehy and Peter Sohn and established stars like Patton Oswalt, Ian Holm and Peter O'Toole, but I'm not able to pick a standout performance. It was a far cry from Tom Hanks and Tim Allen in Toy Story.

Overall, while I recognise Ratatouille for its strengths, I wouldn't rank it highly in Pixar's filmography.

Dancer in the Dark review

 Number 310 on the top 1000 films of all time is Lars von Trier's musical psychological tragedy 'Dancer in the Dark.'

Selma Jezkova (Bjork) is a Czechian immigrant living in the US. Suffering from a degenerative eye condition, that she has passed onto her son, she ekes out a meagre living from her factory job. She is saving up all her money to pay for an operation that will save her son's eyesight. Catherine Deneuve co-stars as Selma's friend Kathy. Peter Stormare plays Selma's love interest Jeff. David Morse and Stellen Skarsgard also star. 

*Spoilers to follow*

I have written a few listicles detailing the films too traumatic to watch again. Dancer in the Dark would be one such film. It is a soul-crushing, gut-wrenching thoroughly depressing film. Part of that was down to tis realism. Trier shot is like a documentary with low-quality cameras and plenty of close-up shots. Trier pioneered a cinematic style called Dogma 95, and even though Dancer in the dark isn't true Dogma 95, it still retains that some authenticity and intimacy.

The performances were also great. I've seen Bjork act before, and probably never will say again, due to the horrific time she had shooting Dancer in the Dark - to say the least, there was no love lost between her and Trier - but she was brilliant in the lead role.

Granted, she was also difficult to work with - often going AWOL, but she brought the tragic Selma to life - a character who despite the best of intentions is treated awfully in life. Like many of the best people in life, she is given an absolute rotten hand.

Nowhere is this more apparent than with David Morse who plays a policeman and Selma's landlord. Having his own money problems, he asks Selma for a loan. When she refuses, he steals the money she ahs been saving for her son's operation. After she finds out a struggle ensues where she accidentally shoots and kills him. Selma is tried and sentenced tod eath.

It is no surprise that she was given the death sentence, because she was given an awful lawyer who made no effort to defend her from a prosecutor played by Zeljko Ivanuk. As a quick sidenote, I have seen Ivanuk play a few roles as a slimy authority figure. He always plays the part well.

But I found it strange how Selma's lawyer never objected to the prosecutor's evisceration of her client. Especially when Kathy and Jeff get Selma's case reopened with an actual competent lawyer who tears apart his predecessor. It was like Trier was openly admitting and criticising his own mistake.

However, Kathy and Jeff's efforts go to waste as Selma refuses to take the lawyer's help when she realises that his fee will be paid out of the money that she was saving for her son's operation. It all seemed like a pointless, unnecessary way to inject conflict.

Speaking of her son, Gene, despite his importance to the plot, he was never anything more than just a plot device.

I also didn't like the musical numbers. Selma loves musicals and even acts in a Sound of Music production. Of course, you can't have Bjork starring in your film without having her sing, but these songs seemed rather strenuous to the plot. Jeff declares that he doesn't like musicals because he finds it strange when people spontaneously break into song and dance. That's what happened here and I agreed it was weird.

Nevertheless, this was still a powerful if heart-breaking film. It's definitely not one I will be watching again in a hurry. Too sad for that.

Talk to Her review

 Number 308 on the top 1000 films of all time is Pedro Almodovar's 2002 Spanish psychological melodrama 'Talk to Her.'

Marco Zuluaga (Dario Grandinetti) is a journalist. Benigno Martin (Javier Camara) is a nurse. What connects these two different men is that the women they love  - pioneering matador Lydia Gonzalez (Rosario Flores) and talented dancer Alicia Roncero (Leonor Watling) respectively are in comas. The two men form an unlikely friendship, as they take care of their women.

This film is largely told in flashback, as we explore the reasons that Lydia and Alicia are in their comas. We also understand their relationships with Marco and Benigno in more detail. Admittedly, things take a while to get going, but when they do the film is enjoyable. Marco and Benigno are two different characters with two differing mindsets.

Marco is in despair over Lydia's condition whereas Benigno has an almost insufferable optimism about Alicia recovering and the two living happily ever after. The far-more grounded Marco often has to bring the fantasist Benigno back down to Earth. Despite this, the two quickly become friends.

They form a poignant and touching relationship, as we explore how different people react to grief. But as we approach the ending, things take an unnecessarily dark turn.

*Spoilers*

While Marco and Lydia are lovers, things are far more one-sided with Benigno and Alicia. Before she enters her coma, Benigno forms an unhealthy obsession with her. He is overjoyed at finding out that he will be the nurse assigned at looking after her. But then it is implied that this obsession has grown so toxic that he goes onto rape and impregnate her.

From there, the film takes a different turn, as Marco desperately tries to prove his friend's innocence. Although I found it strange that nobody took a paternity test from Alicia's baby. Yes, it was stillborn, but surely this could have been the one thing that either affirmed or denied Benigno's guilt. And we never got a positive answer either way.

I didn't like the dark path that this film took. Up until this point, it seemed like a feel-good, heart-warming picture that helps you find hope in even the darkest of places. But then that was all undone by the unnecessarily dark ending.

The Searchers review

 Number 307 on the top 1000 films of all time is John Ford's 1956 Western 'The Searchers.'

Ethan Edwards (John Wayne) is a civil-war veteran living during the Texan-Indian wars. When his niece Debbie (Natalie Wood) is abducted by the local Comanche tribe, he and his nephew Martin Pawley (Jeffrey Hunter) mount a years-long expedition to find her again.

Time for one of my least-favourite film genres: Westerns. I've never been a fan of cowboy films - not for any egregious reason. They're just not for me at all. The Searchers didn't really do much to shift the needle.

Perhaps that's because of John Wayne. Wayne was well-known for his cowboy films, but, after a while, they all kind of blend into one. From Ethan Edwards to Tom Doniphan to Rooster Cogburn, they all featured the hulking Wayne always playing the same role in the same way.

Edwards has strong anti Native-American sentiments, bringing him into conflict with his nephew Martin who is an eighth Comanche. Jeffrey Hunter was more convincing as the more straight-forward, as cut-and-dry hero. In contrast, Edwards was more of a not-so-lovable rogue.

His bigotry also rears its ugly head when he realises that Debbie has voluntarily assimilated into the local Comanche group who abducted her. Wood is a decent-enough actress. She was Oscar-nominated for Rebel without a Cause, as well as Splendor in the Grass and Love with the Proper Stranger. But she never had the proper time to shine here.

Yes, the Searchers had the stunning cinematography that depicted the old American-West, but it didn't do anything to make me become a fan of cowboy films.

The Straight Story review

 Number 305 on the top 1000 films of all time is David Lynch's 1999 biographical road film 'The Straight Story.'

The Straight Story tells the true-life story of Alvin Straight (Richard Farnsworth) - an ailing, elderly man living in Iowa. When he finds out that his estranged brother Lyle (Harry Dean Stanton) has suffered a stroke, Alvin determines to make amends. The only problem is that Alvin can't legally drive and Lyle lives 240 miles away in Wisconsin. Alvin resolves to drive there on a John Deere tractor that travels at 5mph. Sissy Spacek co-stars as his simple-minded daughter.

It's difficult to believe that this film was directed by the same David Lynch who directed Twin Peaks and Blue Velvet. It is the least 'Lynchian' film he has ever directed, despite how he described it as his most experimental film. Although considering he is so well-known for his surrealism, anything else would be considered experimental.

The Straight Story was an intimate, quiet, but powerful film that focussed on family and community. It featured Richard Farnsworth who was absolutely endearing as Alvin Straight. Farnsworth brought a vulnerability, but also a relatability to the role. Who among us hasn't wished we could make amends with their estranged family members? Farnsworth earned his Oscar nomination. It's just so heart-breaking that a year later, a cancer-stricken Farnsworth took his own life.

Nevertheless, he left behind a lasting legacy with the Straight Story. Alvin's story was a heart-warming tale of tragedy and triumph. He is a character determined to achieve his goals, regardless of whatever comes his way.

Film critic Roger Ebert compared the dialogue to the realism that you would read in a Hemingway book. He hit the nail on the head. The whole film, particularly the dialogue, felt painfully real. And this was down to Mary Sweeney and John Roach's script. They excelled in crafting an authentic script where there was so much power in what the characters didn't say. In a particularly powerful poignant scene, Alvin swaps traumatic war stories with a fellow veteran. Much of the scene's deeper meanings are left up to the viewer to figure out for themselves. It was subtle and understated with a brilliant subtext - the same can be said for the rest of the film.

Yes, you can argue that the ending is anti-climatic, but this film epitomises the phrase: "it's not the destination, but the journey." And this film was a hell of a journey.

The Artist review

 Number 304 on the top 1000 films of all time is Michel Hazanavicius' 2011 silent-film 'The Artist.'

George Valentin (Jean Dujardin) is a silent film-star who finds himself at crisis when the film industry is slowly transitioning to talkies. Will his relationship with rising star Peppy Miller (Berenice Bejo) help to save his career? John Goodman, James Cromwell, Penelope Ann Miller and Malcolm Mcdowell co-star.

Since beginning this challenge, I have seen my fair share of silent films from Charlie Chaplin to Fritz Lang's Metropolis. Yet the Artist failed to capture the same magic. It lacked the same physical comedy or emotional tenderness that you would get in a Charlie Chaplin film.

The first half hour of the Artist was painfully dull as we took too long getting to George Valentin's conflict. In many ways, you can argue he is a dinosaur - desperately clinging to a life that no longer exists. Sure, it would have applied to many silent-film stars, but this type of resentment to embrace the future that turned him into an arrogant, archaic fossil. Hell, even after much resistance even Chaplin started making talking pictures.

I understand this was all part of George's character-arc, but it did make him unlikeable. I'm going to be even more controversial and argue whether Jean Dujardin truly deserved the Best Actor Oscar. He was quite over-the-top, although I guess that would have been the expectation of the time and medium. And it wasn't like he had that much more competition during that year's Oscars.

More convincing was Berenice Bejo, as Peppy Miller, who brought a certain charm to the film. James Cromwell who played Valentin's fiercely loyal manservant was also good. But Malcolm Mcdowell and John Goodman could have had more to do.

The Artist was enjoyable enough for what it was, but it didn't match up to the silent films of old.

This is Spinal Tap review

 Number 298 on the top 1000 films of all time is Rob Reiner's 1984 mockumentary musical comedy 'This is Spinal Tap.'

David St Hubbins (Michael Mckean), Nigel Tufnell (Christopher Guest) and Derek Smalls (Harry Shearer) comprise Spinal Tap - the UK's hottest hair-metal band. However, upon their latest tour to the US, they quickly realise that their popularity is quickly fading. Meanwhile, Marty Di Bergi (Rob Reiner) is filming a documentary about their successes and failures.

This was Rob Reiner's directorial debut. He went onto direct hilarious comedies like The Princess Bride also starring Christopher Guest, as well as heart-breaking coming of age dramas like Stand By Me. While I loved those two films, I found This is Spinal Tap to be a little disappointing. It didn't make me laugh like the Princess Bride or cry like Stand By Me. In fact, I didn't feel much of anything.

I do feel part of that was down to the nature and structure of the film. Naturally, we start off seeing Spinal Tap at the dizzying heights of their success, but when you're that high up, the only way is down. As such, we quickly saw them self-destruct. Fame is a fickle beast and this inevitably happens to many different bands, but it's not fun to see it happen on-screen.

It didn't help that all three characters encapsulated the annoying, spoiled, diva self-destructive artist archetype that so many rock stars fall into. Yes, it was realistic, but it wasn't entertaining. Their constant squabbling and tantrums became tiresome after a while. Back in the day, one of my favourite bands was Oasis, but this was because of their music and not because of the in-fighting of the Gallagher brothers.

Speaking of music, I didn't find Spinal Tap's songs particularly memorable. Mckean, Guest and Shearer are all accomplished musicians and singers - they wrong, performed and song the songs themselves, but I didn't leave the cinema, so to speak, singing one of their songs.

When I think of mockumentaries, I think of the cringe humour you get in the Office or Parks and Recreation. Granted, that isn't a pre-requisite of mockumentaries, but there was still little humour in this is Spinal Tap. Even though, I was supposed to be laughing at the characters, I didn't care enough to do so. For that same reason, none of the film's emotional beats landed for me.

I do think that this was one of those cases where the film just wasn't for me. I'm just glad that Rob Reiner has continued directing. Sure, I didn't like this is Spinal Tap, but the Princess Bride remains as one of the best films ever.