Aguirre: The Wrath of God

 Number 326 on the top 1000 films of all time is Werner Herzog's epic historical drama 'Aguirre: The Wrath of God.'

Aguirre (Klaus Klinski) is a soldier who is marching through the Andes Mountains in the search for the legendary lost city of El Dorado.

While the soldiers were looking for El Dorado, I was looking for an interesting film to watch. As Aguirre was boring with a capital B. It is low on action and high on characters staring into space saying nothing.

I understand this was partly down to Herzog's tiny budget. He couldn't afford any big action scenes. Fair enough, but the constant monologue and philosophising became tedious after a while. It hardly made for the most exciting of cinema.

It was also difficult to empathise with Spanish conquistadors who not only massacred all and enslaved the indigenous populations, but were so stupid they took horses and cannons into the jungle.

Reportedly, Klaus Klinski was an ogre on set, constantly coming to verbal blows with cast and crew. But he brought none of that energy to the role of Aguirre. I expected him to have a larger-than-life persona, but instead he remains in the background, simply pulling the strings, like a puppet-master who hides behind the curtain, because he's afraid to see his audience. He did not make for an interesting protagonist.

Finally, the crew also had trouble recording the sound, so much of the dialogue had to be dubbed. While this couldn't have been helped, it was not a good dub, and it was distracting.

I really did not like this film. It was a tedious affair with stupid characters and a boring protagonist.

Doctor Zhivago review

 Number 316 on the top 1000 films of all time is David Lean's epic historical-romance 'Doctor Zhivago.'

Doctor Zhivago (Omar Sharif) is a physician during the Russian revolution. Although he is married to Tonya ( Geraldine Chaplin,) he soon falls in love with Lara (Julie Christie.) When the civil war tears them apart, fate throws them back together again.

We have returned to my favourite genre of film: period/historical dramas. That was sarcasm. As you know well by now, I hate period dramas. They're just so boring.

Doctor Zhivago wasn't quite in the top ten films to put you to sleep - that honour goes to Gone with the Wind or even David Lean's other historical epic 'Lawrence of Arabia - but it was still pretty close. Biopics or character dramas like Doctor Zhivago tend to be vague and unfocussed. They tell far too much story in far too much time.

Doctor Zhivago was no exception tot his. It introduces Doctor Zhivago and we follow him through his life until *spoilers* his death. Surely, some of this could have been edited out. Then the film wouldn't have been over three hours long. It had no business being that long. Never mind bloated, this film was so pregnant, it was about to give birth.

Having said that, Omar Sharif was very good as our titular protagonist especially when the Communist protestors are massacred by the mounted Cossacks. He can only watch in horror, as his people are mown down.

Doctor Zhivago also won five Oscars including best cinematography, art direction and costume design. These were well-earned as the cinematography was brilliant especially all the desolate, Russian landscapes. The costumes were also brilliant. You can see how hard they tried to get everything right.

That notwithstanding, I didn't enjoy Doctor Zhivago. It was a bloated, over-long affair.

All Quiet on the Western Front review

 Number 284 on the top 1000 films of all time is the 1930 epic war film 'All Quiet on the Western Front.'

Paul Bauhmer (Lew Agre) is one of many German raw recruits who signed up to fight for the fatherland during World War One. While here, they need the older, cynical corporal Stanislavus "Kat" Katcinzsky. Quickly, Paul's optimism fades away, as he witnesses the true horrors of war.

All Quiet on the Western Front won the 1930 Oscar for Best film, only the third film to do so. I'm so sure to audiences back then, it would have been powerful stuff. But it was also a film of its time. AQWF would have held a special relevance to 1930's audiences, as WW1 was still in living memory.

I watched this in 2024, so, naturally, it didn't have the same relevance for me. I'm sure it would have been ground-breaking at the time, but I've seen it all before. it was difficult not to draw comparisons to every other war film I've seen whether that's World War 1, World War 2 or the Vietnam war. Because AQWF was such a pioneer, it's become an influence on every film since.

At the time, the film industry was slowly transitioning to sound, so I'm sure the gunfire and explosions would have been as traumatic as the initial sequence of Saving Private Ryan, but for a modern viewer like me, it failed to resonate. Unsurprisingly, the special effects were nothing compared to Steven Spielberg's seminal work. But that is only to be expected.

And the deep philosophy about the nature of war wasn't ground-breaking either. Granted, it wasn't as in your face as the Thin Red Line, but, again, it was stuff I've seen before. The same can be said for the transformation of the naive, optimistic recruits into battle-hardened, cynical killers. Full Metal Jacket comes to mind.

Although, I did find it peculiar that there wasn't much conflict between the German soldiers themselves. It's quickly established that conditions are terrible with the troopers starving hungry, so you would expect them to be fighting among each other, but instead they're all very amiable with each other. 

That notwithstanding, I recognise most of my criticism is unfair. I'm sure that in 1930, this film would have been a masterpiece, but almost 100 years later, I don't think it held up at all.

Barry Lyndon review

 Number 228 on the top 1000 films of all time is Stanley Kubrick's 1975 epic historical drama 'Barry Lyndon.'

Based on William Makepeace Thackery's novel 'the Luck of Barry Lyndon,' Barry Lyndon (Ryan O'Neal) follows the eponymous Irish rogue as he wiles his way into the upper echelons of society through marrying the rich widow Lady Lyndon (Marisa Berenson) and ingratiating himself into her family and life.

Barry Lyndon really surprised me. As you may have gathered from some of my other reviews, I neither care for epics or period dramas of which Barry Lyndon was both. They're vague, overly-long and tedious. They're so boring. Yet I found Barry Lyndon to be very watchable. 

Did it need to be three hours long? Absolutely not. The pacing was incredibly slow, which was hardly helped by how the accompanying musical score was slow, serene and happy. That hardly helped to ratchet up the tension. Plus there were lots of shots of the characters sitting around doing very little.

But despite all that I thoroughly enjoyed Barry Lyndon. As a character, Lyndon is pretty despicable. He is charming on the surface, but he also has a darker side which regularly comes out when he doesn't get his way. However, he is still interesting to watch. I was intrigued to keep watching just to see whether he gets his just desserts or not, which *spoiler alert* he inevitably does. O'Neal made him a charismatic and three-dimensional character. It worked well enough to stop him from becoming a cliched cartoon villain.

Another reason period-dramas don't work for me is either the lack of stakes or stakes being so artificially produced that they become over-blown and contrived. Neither of these was the case with Barry Lyndon. There was plenty of drama. It was presented in a natural and authentic way, as we see Lyndon navigate obstacle after obstacle. He goes from duelling a rival to fighting for the English in the Seven-Year war to fighting for the Prussians in the Seven-Year war to becoming a gambler and hustler to marrying the widowed Lady Lyndon and then coming full-circle by duelling his stepson Lord Bullingdon. It is quite a journey.

Barry Lyndon really surprised me. I went into the film absolutely dreading it, but it was thoroughly entertaining. I guess you can't judge a film by its genre classification.

Ben-Hur review

 Number 203 on the top 1000 films of all time is the 1959 biblical epic Ben-hur.

Judah Ben-Hur (Charlton Heston) was once a noble Jewish man who finds that Ancient Roman is quickly turning against the Jewish people. When Judah refuses to swear allegiance to the new Roman commander and his childhood friend Messala (Stephen Boyd,) he makes an enemy of the Roman people. Later on, to seek redemption, he escapes from slavery and becomes a champion charioteer. Meanwhile, a new religious leader is making waves as he begins preaching across the Roman empire.

Ben-Hur? A cinematic masterpiece? Or a four-hour snooze-fest? I'm tempted to say the latter. It wasn't completely boring, but it dragged on. Maybe I'm just a philistine, but why does a film need to have a six-minute overture? Or an intermission? We're not at the theatre. Any film that has to be cut into half is too damn long.

Obviously the Academy didn't agree with me as they awarded Ben-Hur with eleven Oscars including Best Picture and Best Actor for Charlton Heston. This was a puzzling choice for me as his range was incredibly limited. It was like William Wyler had directed him to be either angry or bitter with nothing in between. He reminded me a lot of Clint Eastwood who I've always thought was a better director than an actor.

The plus side of historical epics like Ben-Hur is that the set production is always on-point. Two big examples come to mind. The first is when Ben-Hur is serving on the slave-ship that is then attacked by Macedonian pirates which leads to his escape. The second is, of course, the famous chariot race scene that employed thousands of extras. Both of these looked great on-screen.

Ben-Hur wasn't a particularly awful film. It was watchable enough despite its unnecessary length and Heston's wooden performance.

Legends of the Fall review

 Number 846 on the top 1000 films of all time is the epic Western drama 'Legends of the Fall.'

Colonel William Ludlow (Anthony Hopkins) is a former army veteran who retires to a ranch in Montana. When his wife Isabelle leaves, he raises his three sons alone: the oldest Alfred (Aidan Quinn,) the middle son Tristan (Brad Pitt) and the youngest and most naive Samuel (Henry Thomas.) Also, on the ranch if William's Cree friend One Stab (Gordon Tootoosis,) as well as ranch hand Decker (Paul Desmon,) his Cree wife Pet and their daughter Isabelle Two.

Legends of the Fall is a sprawling narrative that encompasses a huge time period from the early twentieth century to World War One to prohibition and even the 1960's. Edward Zwick takes us through each era well. Although at times it felt very disparate which we will come to later.

When WW1 breaks out, Samuel and Alfred volunteer to fight. Trist also reluctantly volunteers. He has promised Samuel's fiancé Susannah (Julia Ormond) that he would keep him safe from harm. The war scenes were effective and well-shot. And Brad Pitt proved he's more than capable of doing quieter, character roles, as well as bigger, block-buster, action roles. Anthony Hopkins was also great. As the stresses of his life become too much, William suffers from a stroke, rendering him virtually mute and immobile. But Hopkins still generates a lot of sympathy for the character.

However, while the male stars and characters were great, I feel like the female characters were short-changed. Susannah didn't have much of a role beyond being the object of affection for all three brothers. Although she is initially Samuel's fiancé, when he *spoilers*

is killed in the war, she hooks up with Tristan, all while Alfred looks on in desire. When Tristan goes AWOL for years, Susannah marries Alfred. It was less than the most satisfying of characters.

When Tristan returns to the ranch, he finds that Isabelle Two has all grown-up. And the two promptly marry and start a family. Even putting the age difference aside, the brothers were all adults while Isabelle Two was still a little girl. I saw very little reason why she and Tristan would marry each other except they're both young and hot. At least you had Alfred acknowledging the oddity of the situation.

But returning to my point about the disparateness, while Legends of the Fall worked in little parts, the parts didn't coalesce well together. it was a massive film set across an expansive time period which encompassed a lot of genres. It began as a Western, flirted as a romance, turned into a War film and later on, during the Prohibition era, it even became a gangster flick. It seemed overly-ambitious. And I don't think it worked. Fewer elements explored in more detail would have been better.

Ultimately, I still enjoyed this film. The female characters weren't great, and it was overly-ambitious, but Pitt and Hopkins shone.